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10 things you’re better off spending $103 million on instead of Matt Ryan
- Updated: July 25, 2013
By: @NotTonyReali
The Atlanta Falcons have signed Matt Ryan to a 5 year contract extension worth $103.75 million dollars. This is after the Dallas Cowboys locked up Tony Romo & the Detroit Lions locked up Matthew Stafford, in which both overrated quarterbacks received lucrative contract extensions. The first thing that came to mind was “WOW, all of these teams paying so much for (at best) a first round playoff exit! They must have a lot of money to blow! Well, except Detroit…*cue Price is Right losing horn here*
This also got me thinking, what would I do with $103.75 million dollars if I was the owner of the Atlanta Falcons? Paying Matt Ryan all of it would definitely not be my first choice. Perhaps Arthur Blank should read this, as I’ve come up with a list of 10 things you’re better off doing with $103.75M other than, you guessed it, paying Matt Ryan.
10.Get The Hell Out Of Atlanta – Not sure why anyone would want to live in Atlanta by choice, but I’d definitely move out of state. Perhaps a villa in Cabo San Lucas. Maybe even the guest house at Jerry Jones’ carnival sized estate (includes complimentary glasses wiper).
9.“How To Not Speak Like An Idiot” For Dummies! – It may be the most valuable thing you’ve ever given Roddy White, besides a football.
8.A Lifetime Supply Of Biogenesis Products – Tony Bosch has got what you need to fulfill your lifetime dream of eventually being suspended from Major League Baseball. Aaron Rodgers will love you!
7.The Rights To Myspace.com – You’ll still garner more hits than Asante Samuel.
6.Season Tickets For The Atlanta Hawks – How awesome would it be to be there live for an Atlanta win in February! I know, a rare occurrence.
5.A Disney World Vacation – A great trip that won’t end on an incomplete pass…in the waning minutes…of the NFC Championship Game…
4. One Million Lottery Tickets – Although, buying just one ticket gives you a better chance at winning the lottery than the Atlanta Falcons do at winning the Super Bowl.
3. A Cup Of Hot Chocolate – You can drink it in January without suffering from severe anxiety!
2. Tim Tebow – What a deal! The same amount of playoff wins and overrated skills as Matt Ryan at only a fraction of the price!
1. A Replica Super Bowl Ring – What better item to fill the void of something Matt Ryan will never bring to your franchise.
Follow me on twitter: @NotTonyReali
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