2014 NBA New Year’s Resolutions

Even though it’s technically mid NBA season, a new calendar year can offer a fresh start for all your favorite players, coaches and teams across the league.  With so much of the season yet to be played, no team is out of it, especially if your favorite team plays in the Eastern Conference where a record of 0-82 might still qualify for postseason play.  No team is perfect (not even the Heat, Joey Crawford), so we’ve outlined simple New Year’s resolutions that will help catapult each franchise into the postseason, or something like that.

Every team is covered, broken down by a division per page, from the Pacers to even the Bucks. Check ‘em out (by clicking the page numbers at the bottom).

EASTERN CONFERENCE

ATLANTIC DIVISION

Knicks - By all means, this franchise needs to stop signing members of the Smith family. Their first error was signing JR Smith, which they accomplished twice! Okay, we can accept that. But then to go out and sign his younger brother Chris Smith who may or may not have ever even played organize basketball was proof of a trend. Right now, JR’s father Earl Smith has yet to sign with any other organization. The temptation is definitely there from the front office, but they must resist.

Nets - It’s crucial that they stop signing and trading for players that are clinically dead. They doled out huge lumps of cash for cadavers such as Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Andrei Kirilenko. I mean, can anyone truly prove that these are still living, breathing human beings?

Raptors - Keep trading away players until you have nobody left. They traded Bargnani, then Rudy Gay and are now trying to unload Kyle Lowry. Each time, it’s been addition by subtraction. If they can find a way to get rid of every Toronto Raptor basketball player, they have a chance to win out and sweep the playoffs.  Just march a non-team onto the court.   The less Raptors, the better the chance.

Celtics - Must be more discrete in their hatred of black people. There’s nothing more racist than purposely trading for a guy like Kris Humphries or drafting a guy like Kelly Olynyk.  I mean look at him.

Sixers - It’s important that they have longer, more season damaging losing streaks. Their recent 13 skid isn’t going to ensure a #1 pick in the upcoming draft. They must shoot for 25 game skid minimums.  The Eastern Conference is a very competitively awful collection of talent-less embarrassments, but we do feel the Sixers have what it takes to the most horrendous of all.

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