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Ahmad Brooks fined $16K for illegally “sacking” Drew Brees

BrooksSacksBrees

Late in the 4th quarter on Sunday, the Saints were actually trailing the 49ers at home despite Colin Kaepernick’s best efforts at putting up the first negative QB rating in NFL history (Ever since he had to take off his Dolphins hat, he’s lost his “swag.” Let him wear it people, what’s wrong? Remember: “it’s just swag it ain’t never hurt nobody.” Outside of making them speak with triple negatives, anyway.). It looked like the 49ers might actually win a game in the Superdome without the assistance of any power outages.

Then, while having a 20-17 lead, Ahmad Brooks made the fatal mistake of doing this:

DrewBreesHit

(GIF via @SBNationGIF)

Disgusting. There’s no place for “sacks” or “forced fumbles” in football. What is Ahmad Brooks thinking?

Fortunately the refs were there to flag this appalling crime against humanity, which enabled the Saints to keep their drive alive and eventually pull out a 23-20 victory. On Wednesday, Brooks’ was forced to pay $15,750 for this horrifying crime by Roger Goodell (yes, he’s at it again, he never really stops) for violating NFL rules by illegally “sacking” Drew Brees rather than politely asking Brees if he would mind stopping what he was doing and touching his back with 2 hands like NFL rules clearly state.

Goodell: “I can’t have Brooks endangering my players like this. He should know by now that he’s supposed to touch his back with 2 hands. I know it’s confusing, many of these guys can’t even count to 2. But this is the best method we have to ensure player safety until we get the flags installed. I’m just going to have to keep fining these guys until they get that through their thick heads.” He’s still trying to pay for that new international airport (http://notsportscenter.com/edreedfined/) he’s planning on opening.

Pam Oliver talked with Drew Brees after the game, who seemed a little affected by the hit:

DrewBreesGiraffe

(GIF via @Nuked_LT and landthieves.com)

If you missed the interview, we transcribed it for you:

Pam Oliver: “What’d you think of the hit by Ahmad Brooks, Drew?”

Drew Brees: “I thought it was GREAT!”

Oliver: “You did?”

Brees: “Hell yeah! I mean it hurt like hell and I had to run and change my underwear after that drive but I mean look at me. I’m 6’4 now! No more short jokes! I can’t wait to look down at Russell Wilson when we go to Seattle. That little lawn gnome’s going to be in for quite a surprise.”

Oliver: “Don’t call him a lawn gnome, that’s offensive. He’s more like an elf than a lawn gnome.”

Brees: “Ah good point, Pam. Thanks. And thanks again for making me tall Brooks! I owe you one bud. I’ll send you some beer to drink when you’re watching me play in the playoffs from your couch.”

 

What a philanthropist Brees is. Additionally, not only can Drew actually see over his offensive line now, he is already rumored to be in line to star in the new Stretch Armstrong movie. All from getting “sacked” by Brooks. And Goodell wants to take this away from us? For shame Roger. For shame.

One Comment

  1. Holt Rowell

    at

    I COMPLETELY lost my shit, reading and watching this!

    Life long follower of this site, from now on. =)

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