Andrew Bynum looking forward to slowly destroying the Pacers


In a surprising turn of events, the Indiana Pacers have signed Andrew Bynum to a short term contract, a move which has Bynum himself incredibly excited, “I want to ruin the best possible franchise I can,” Bynum told reporters.  “I think the challenge that presents itself with Indiana, one of the best teams in the league, is a formidable one.  I feel my career has been building towards this chance to slowly infect, embarrass and ultimately destroy an elite contender.”

When asked what the first thing was that crossed his mind when he heard the news, Bynum responded, “I immediately wanted to urinate on a police car.”

There are many executives around the league that are left scratching their heads at the signing.  An unnamed league executive had this to say, “Imagine Andrew Bynum and Lance Stephenson having a conversation.  The entire franchise’s collective IQ will drop several hundred points the moment those two make eye contact for the first time.”

Others are excited at the prospect of a Miami Heat versus Indiana Pacers Eastern Conference Finals, daydreaming of a clash of the titans match up between Greg Oden and Andrew Bynum.  Each player will average less than zero minutes in the series, but just watching them pick their noses on opposing benches will sure to captivate audiences of all ages.

Sources close to Bynum indicated that the recently signed Center had been spending his time finding new ways to injure his knees, following the infamous bowling injury during his tenure with Philadelphia 76ers.  “He’s hoping he can pull a hammy while Pogo-sticking or tear an ACL playing Simon Says.”

In a related story, Pacers Team President Larry Bird reportedly blew a blood alcohol level of .341 immediately following the Andrew Bynum signing.

One Comment

  1. I guess urinating on a police car is a little better than what Kellen Winslow did.

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