Andrew Bynum stubs toe visiting Cleveland, may miss another year


Things finally seemed to be going Andrew Bynum’s way. The 3 point sharpshooter had the Mavericks pursuing him, the Lakers potentially kinda sorta maybe possibly had interest, and was in Cleveland to visit the Cavs. Not the greatest teams sure, but for a guy without any knees and coming off a monster 0 games, 0 points, and 0 rebounds performance the previous year, it was definitely a good start towards something. And in a snap, it all may have fallen apart.

Walking off the plane in Cleveland, Bynum was looking around thinking “Do I really want to live HERE? Look at this place. It looks like a third world country.” And then standard Cleveland luck hit him without even signing with a Cleveland team (arguably the most impressive highlight of Andrew Bynum’s career). He tripped walking into the terminal and stubbed his toe. The pain was so intense (for him) that he fell to the ground crying like a 6 year old girl that just lost her favorite doll.

“MAN NOT AGAIN,” Bynum yelled between tears, “Why does this only happen to me?” Airport staff called paramedics immediately, thinking based on his reaction that Andrew had broken a leg or a knee or something. When paramedics got there, they looked him over and told him “You stubbed a toe and you’re acting like you got shot in the leg. Stop acting like such a baby. You’ll be fine,” and walked away. Bynum yelled, “BUT I’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO PLAY LIKE THIS!” One paramedic yelled back “WHO CARES, YOU CAN’T PLAY ANYWAY!” Ouch.

After a few hours of sitting there holding his toe in pain, Bynum called his agent and said “I don’t know if there’s anyway I’ll be able to play this year. I need X-Rays.” His agent told him, “I’ll make sure to send you for X-Rays on your head right away.” Bynum responded, “My head? I hurt my toe.” His agent explained it further, “Yes, your head. You can’t possibly be this stupid. I need to get an X-Ray of your brain to find out for sure. I swear you must have suffered brain damage at some point.” Bynum didn’t know what to say, so he just said “Okay, sounds good.” Maybe he can be that stupid.

Will he be able to muster enough strength to play this year? Who knows. Remember this is the guy that injured himself while bowling, so anything is possible. One thing is for sure: if a team like Cleveland signs him to a contract paying him $15 million per year, Andrew Bynum won’t be the only one people will be calling stupid.

(UPDATE: The Cavs signed him, only guaranteeing him 6 million. So they’re only sorta kinda stupid. Maybe.)

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