Celtics trade Garnett, Pierce, Terry to Nets for pack of Trident Layers


A blockbuster deal was swung on draft night, as the Celtics will send (after July 10) Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Jason Terry to the Brooklyn Nets for a pack of Trident Layers and a candy bar to be named later. Now that they have a lot of cool sounding names, does this make Brooklyn “contenders” now? Or are they still destined to go one and done anyway? What kind of candy should Boston be looking to get from the Nets? Were Trident Layers a good choice in gum? Let’s review the deal.

Once Doc Rivers quit was “traded” to the Clippers, you knew the end was coming. And thanks to David Stern’s neverending quest to screw with Chris Paul, it didn’t come as fast as Boston had hoped, as the initial deal with Rivers and Garnett going to the Clippers was struck down. So it left Boston scrambling. The Nets offered some things they found in their locker room (a used towel, an old sock, and 50 cents) for Garnett and Pierce, but that wasn’t enough for Boston. They wanted more.

So Boston countered with Terry as part of the deal but demanded that they receive multiple types of candy in return. Brooklyn wasn’t willing to part with two things from their candy machine, but they did have an unopened pack of Trident Layers they found sitting on Jason Kidd’s desk (Kidd likes to have gum around to mask the alcohol smell he’s always giving off from how much he drinks). Celtics GM Danny Ainge found that to be acceptable and accepted the deal.

Sources say Ainge is leaning towards either Snickers or Reese’s Peanut Butter cups as the unnamed candy he gets in the deal. He’s having trouble deciding between peanut or peanut butter. In our opinion, he should go with the Snickers. Considering what his roster looks like, he’s definitely going to be waiting a while for that team to look like something the NBA wouldn’t be embarrassed to admit was part of the league. So grab a Snickers, Danny. You get stupid when you’re hungry.

The Nets starting lineup certainly LOOKS cool: Deron Williams, Joe Johnson, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Brook Lopez. Especially if this were 2006. But it’s not. So being a “contender” is probably a stretch for them. Although if they did finish in 4th place, they’d likely have a parade for it. So if you consider home court advantage or headlines in the New York tabloids or having the most all stars on a one and done team as something worth contending for, then absolutely, they’re a contender.

Who wins this deal? The Nets get to pretend to be cool for a year, the Celtics now have layers of flavor, another future candy bar, and get to tank for Andrew Wiggins. We’ll say Boston wins. It may be the last time you hear those words for quite a while.


(UPDATE: When the trade was made official on July 12th, Danny Ainge did go with the Snickers. Ainge on his choice in candy: “I was really torn, but when they offered Snickers with Almond, that was it for me. Nougat, Caramel, Peanuts, Milk Chocolate, AND Almonds? My god. It’s an embarrassment of riches. I kinda feel bad at how badly I just ripped them off.”

Nets GM Billy King: “I really hope enjoys that “Snickers” I sent him and savors every bite, considering all I did was have an intern poop into a Snickers with Almond wrapper. Who’s the sucker now? BWAHAHAHAHA.” That’s pretty gross, but remember this team just came from New Jersey. In New Jersey they’d call that a 5 star meal. The lesson for both sides here? Buyer beware.)

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