Christmas Lists for all 32 NFL teams


It’s the Holiday season. And nothing says Christmas like extremely last minute gift shopping. Or shopping after Christmas at all the after Christmas sales. Or the after after Christmas sales (you get the idea).

So we’ve wondered…what would NFL team be looking for for Christmas/(insert your Holiday of choice here).

On that note, here are Christmas lists for all 32 teams, broken down by division. Check them all out by clicking the page numbers at the bottom.

They’re all here, from the Super Bowl champion Seattle Seahawks, to the why do we go on living Oakland Raiders.



AFC East Christmas Lists 

New England Patriots

-New uggs and a matching skirt for Tom Brady

-More wide receivers for Brady to yell at and blame when he screws up

-A new RB for Belichick to bench

-A fresh new porn star for Rob Gronkowski to date, preferably with only 4-5 STDs if possible


Miami Dolphins

-Seat fillers for the stands, real or fake people…in Miami it’s hard to tell the difference

-Another RB to add to the committee to drive fantasy owners even more nuts

-Some extra hands for those days when Mike Wallace needs at least 3 or 4 to catch the ball

-More photos of Lauren Tannehill (to be fair, we all need that)


Buffalo Bills

-A new flask for Kyle Orton

-25 year old Jim Kelly to magically appear out of nowhere to start at QB

-A “Hi, my name is CJ Spiller and I play RB for you in case you’ve forgotten” name tag to help out the coaching staff

-A playoff berth (probably too unrealistic, Santa doesn’t have that kind of power)


New York Jets

-“Remedial Football 101″ class for Geno Smith (just regular “Football 101″ for the rest of the roster)

-A “don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out” sign for the door for before Rex Ryan is fired

-New bones for when the inevitable happens with Percy Harvin

-Megaphones to help fans boo their next first round pick in April/May/2021/whenever they decide to hold the draft

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