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It was so cold in Colorado, fans were burning blunts for the heat

Jeff Francis

Braves 10, Rockies 2; Braves 4, Rockies 3

DENVER – The icy cold hand of reality slapped the Rockies in the face yesterday as the best team in baseball swept a doubleheader from the team pretending to be the best team in baseball.  With a game postponed due to snow the night before, the teams met for a day-night doubleheader in frigid conditions on Tuesday.  Game time temperature for the opener was 23, which matched the attendance.

It was so cold in Colorado, fans were burning their blunts just for the heat.

It was so cold, the Braves fans in attendance brought actual tomahawks to chop firewood.

It was so cold, Todd Helton was drinking flaming shots between innings.

It was so cold in Denver, Peyton Manning instinctively showed up to throw a late interception.

It was so cold, the Rockies’ version of Milwaukee’s sausage race featured actual vehicles from Ice Road Truckers racing around the warning track.

It was so cold, Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki requested a trade to “somewhere warmer, like Minnesota”.

It was so cold, relief pitchers were brought into the game from the bullpen with the help of a Sherpa.

It was so cold, Rockies players lit their bats on fire in the dugout to keep warm late in the second game since they were serving no purpose out on the field.

It was so cold, Justin Upton received facial lacerations when his bubble gum bubble popped.

It was so cold, the vendors’ bags of nuts were much smaller than usual.

The series concludes today at 1:10 p.m. MDT with the ceremonial first pitch being thrown out by the frozen head of Ted Williams.

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