Conspiracy theories for why (team) will win the NBA Draft lottery

The NBA draft lottery is coming up soon, the world’s most rigged event…or so NBA fans like to claim. Since they refuse to show the drawing live, every year there’s a conspiracy theory as to why X team won the lottery. For example: “Stern wanted to make it up to Cleveland for losing LeBron.” Of course, because adding Anthony Bennett really makes up for losing the reigning MVP. Granted the Cavs could’ve picked a little better, but remember: it’s CLEVELAND. Exactly.

So we’ve come up with some conspiracy theories as to why (insert team here) will win. See below. Everyone in the lottery is mentioned, so all possibilities are covered.

 

NOTSportsCenter’s 2014 NBA Draft Lottery conspiracy theories

Bucks: The world is about to end and Adam Silver wants us to go out with a laugh.

Sixers: None (there isn’t a theory as to why the Sixers will win, because they can’t. They don’t even know what “win” means.)

Magic: Adam Silver wants someone to pretend to care about the Magic for a few years before (insert person they draft) replaces Kobe on the Lakers.

Celtics: Adam Silver wants to keep Rajon Rondo from going on a killing spree.

Jazz: Trey Burke demanded that Adam Silver give him someone to rebound and pass him the ball.

Lakers: Adam Silver wants to go back to rigging the playoffs for the Lakers again before Kobe burns down the entire state of California.

Kings: David Stern ordered Adam Silver to piss off Seattle even more than they already have.

Pistons: Adam Silver wants to see the Pistons draft the next Darko Milicic.

Cavs: They want to see if (insert person they draft) will demand a trade or retire before Adam Silver even hands them their jersey on draft night.

Pelicans: Adam Silver wants to see if it’s actually possible for a team with the nickname of a minor league baseball team to win an NBA title.

Nuggets: Adam Silver wants the world to laugh at the Knicks even harder than they already are for trading this pick for Carmelo Anthony.

Timberwolves: Adam Silver wants to see if they’ll actually draft someone white #1 overall to fit in with the rest of their roster.

Suns: Adam Silver wants to see if Charles Barkley will put down the fork and come out of retirement at 51 to try to finally win a ring sitting on the bench with his old team.

Heat: Adam Silver wants to keep LeBron in Miami and please lord Stern (this would be the most impressive, considering they don’t have a lottery pick, but it’s the NBA, so any rigging is possible).

 

There you go. So now when the NBA lottery is settled and ____ is won, now you’ll  know why. Except the Sixers. If it’s possible to tank the lottery, they’ll find a way.

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