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An inside look at Father’s Day with Antonio Cromartie

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Father’s Day is an important day of the year: it’s the one day of the year dedicated to making dad happy (the other 364 are for mom, obviously). But what’s it like for a super dad like Antonio Cromartie? Well luckily, one of his kids (we don’t know which one, which is fine because Antonio doesn’t know who he is either, but blood tests don’t lie) decided to let NOTSC behind the scenes of what the wild scene at the Cromartie compound is like on the big day.

“We have to get up insanely early to go to daddy’s house because having so many siblings there’s always a line to get in. Last year we sat in the car for 2 hours in line before we even got to the driveway. It’s worse than going to Disney.” And at Disney there’s a better chance that the people letting you on the ride actually know what your name is. Little whatever his name is (he has 44 brothers that go by this nickname, you see why Antonio gets confused?) says he cracks jokes about daddy all the time, it’s just too easy. Which is true.

He continued, “Since we Cromartie kids have so many mommys, a lot of crazy things happen. Especially waiting in line to see him. My mommy got pulled out of our car by her hair last year by “that crazy slut,” which is a name I hear quite a lot when I’m over there. I also hear a lot of names I’m not supposed to say. I always learn new swear words over there. But then they started fighting and people were yelling for some guy named Jerry, whoever that is.” Sounds like Antonio’s front lawn would be a great place for a studio audience. Maybe he’ll get one for Father’s Day.

Little Cromartie #78 (maybe a number system would be easier for Antonio to remember than actual names, but we’re not sure he can count that high) continued with his story, “Once we finally get inside and I see daddy, he always looks at me like he has no idea who I am. I tell him I’m his son and he doesn’t always believe me, so I bring the blood test to prove it. But now I’ve got so many brothers, he’s started taking my word for it at this point.” You’re my kid? You sure? Okay, fine. Sounds like quite a Kodak moment.

Johnny (we’re giving him a name because we feel sorry for him at this point) continued, “So I go to give my dad a hug and he always dives at my feet. Mommy says its because he doesn’t know how to “wrap anything up,” and she always giggles when she says it. Maybe I’ll understand why some day. But then I give him my present and we have to leave so as many of my brothers and sisters as possible can get time with him. One year we went really late and it was Tuesday before we made it inside. It was so sad.” Poor kid.

Johnny finished his story, “I always make new friends when I go. I mean I typically meet a new brother or sister every day just like at school and the mall and stuff but especially there. I have 6,000 Facebook friends alone that are just family members. I get a new friend request like every hour from a sibling I haven’t met yet. It’s especially cool on Christmas, I get presents from like 300 mommys. Who else can say that? So I mean I only see daddy typically on Father’s Day, but when I’ve got 8 PS3’s, who really cares?” Who cares indeed.

So there you have it, a look at Father’s Day madness with Antonio Cromartie. If he keeps it up, they’re going to have to expand it to Father’s Month so he has enough time to see all his kids. And it probably still won’t be enough.

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