REPORT: Entire MLB will appeal Ryan Dempster’s suspension

On Tuesday, Ryan Dempster was suspended 5 games for throwing at public enemy #1: Alex Rodriguez on Sunday night in Boston, probably because it actually took him 4 pitches to so. Quite embarrassing for the league. Well, despite that he won’t even miss a start, big league players are not happy (particularly those on the Red Sox who have to continue to endure his starts) and according to a report, have decided to appeal his suspensions. Every single one of them. Yes, even including A-Rod himself.

Why is A-Rod appealing a suspension of someone throwing at him? He can’t help himself. A-Rod: “I don’t think it’s fair to suspend him for just trying to show that he was upset about me being suspended. I know that’s why he was throwing like that. He wasn’t trying to hurt me, he was trying to help me. He loves me. Everyone loves me, I mean look at me. How could you not love me.” Oh Alex, you’re so vain…you probably think Von Miller was popping a molly in support of you too (maybe he really was, who knows).

So now the entire big leagues is appealing a suspension of a player suspended for throwing at a player who was playing despite being suspended. They may win just on the pure confusion of that sentence alone. At least it will give guys from the Cubs, Astros, Marlins, Yankees, and Angels something to do in October, since it’s not like they’ll be playing any actual games anyway. Odds are Ryan Dempster will retire before this suspension is ever upheld, much to the chagrin of the rest of the AL East.

But if someone from the Red Sox throws at a player appealing Dempster’s suspension for hitting a suspended player who was playing and gets suspended, someone’s head may explode on the spot from just trying to understand. It’s a suspension within a suspension within a suspension. #suspensionception

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