Lions, Pistons, Kid Rock, and GM all placed on waivers by Detroit


The city of Detroit filed for bankruptcy, and immediately the city sprung into action to cut salary. The first target was the Tigers and the approximately eleventy billion dollars given to Fielder/Cabrera/Verlander, but the city didn’t want to lose its’ most successful sports team (winning doesn’t occur very often in Detroit). The Red Wings were spared as well, as it would be weird for “Hockey Town” to ditch hockey. Then it would be just the “Town” and if it was called the Town they’d have to pay royalties to Ben Affleck.

The Tigers and Red Wings were spared, but sadly for the Lions, they were not. As much fun as the random 10-6 season in 2011 was, the city realized it may be another 10 or 12 years before a random winning season occurs again. Especially with Matt Stafford at QB (see what happens when you give him $50 million? It’s like paying that much money to a juggs machine.). So they were placed on waivers. As were the Josh Smith-led Pistons, for the very obvious reason that the team is led by Josh Smith.

So the Lions and Pistons are on waivers…will anyone claim them? Maybe Seattle, they could certainly use Calvin Johnson, a new overly expensive backup for Russell Wilson to replace the former overly expensive backup Matt Flynn, and an NBA team that they’ve been dying for (they were going after the Kings after all. The KINGS.) Time to call Chris Hansen (not the predator chaser, the investor). But knowing David Stern, he’d come out of retirement just to block Seattle from claiming the Pistons, for “basketball reasons.”

The Lions and Pistons weren’t the only ones placed on waivers, as the city dipped into the music and business industries, placing Kid Rock and General Motors on waivers as well. Whatever genre of music Kid Rock claims to sing now, it’s certainly not one anyone wants to pay to listen to. So the city can easily manage without him. The same goes for General Motors, a company that spends 23 hours a day in bankruptcy court (a record only broken by Vince Young). Not sure who would want to take on that pile of debt GM calls a company, but someone bought the Jaguars, so anything is possible.

These were the 4 pieces the city felt they could do easily do without to help them shed salary. Will anyone come to Detroit’s rescue and claim all these spare parts? After being spared from waivers, will the real Slim Shady stand up and bail out his city? It remains to be seen. But for now, welcome to Detroit: broke city.

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