REPORT: Marshall Henderson suspended for horse tranquilizers

By NOTSCWill
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Updated: July 10, 2013

Everyone with a brain knows Marshall Henderson likes to party like a redneck coked out version of Van Wilder…except the school he plays basketball for, Ole Miss. Until now. Today he was suspended indefinitely for “multiple” failed drug tests. For some people, that would be 2, maybe 3. For Marshall Henderson, that’s in the hundreds. So why now? Why not years ago? According to a report, it’s because they found ketamine in his system. If you’ve seen Armageddon, you know ketamine is a very powerful sedative…used on horses.

Marshall Henderson going for the wrong kind of 3

What is Marshall Henderson doing messing around with horse tranquilizers? That’s a good question. Have you seen the women he gets involved with? Take a look at the picture on the right (but if you value your eyes, don’t look very long or you may suffer permanent damage) and you might have some idea. Maybe he needs ketamine to knock himself out after a night with one of these “lovely” ladies? Maybe he thinks he’ll appeal to them more by pretending to be a horse himself? Who knows.

He had a great run in this year’s NCAA Tournament, helping Ole Miss knock off Wisconsin in the first round in a riveting (if you find watching paint dry exciting) 57-46 affair. It all came to a crashing halt when they were knocked off by La Salle in the 2nd round (we’re not calling it the 3rd round…four teams is not a round unless it’s the FINAL four. At the rate they’re going, the First Four’s going to be played in January and the 2nd round will be the 54th round.). Classy guy that Marshall is, he shot two middle fingers to the crowd after the loss, one for each dollar he’ll be making at this next job. At least we know how high he can count.

Can Ole Miss survive without Marshall Henderson? Can Marshall Henderson keep himself away from drugs you’d only find in a veterinarian’s office? Can Marshall Henderson keep himself away from the BBW chicks? Can Marshall Henderson read above a 2nd grade level? Odds are, the answer to all 4 is no. Knowing the NCAA, he’ll just appeal the suspension and he’ll miss one of the early games against the Hadley School for the Blind. And then Marshall can get right back on the horse. Literally.