REPORT: Lakers and Magic adding Dwight Howard’s face to their toilet paper


For the upcoming 2013-14 season, both organizations Dwight Howard burned to the ground before leaving (the Lakers and Magic) have decided they want to do something to honor his time with the clubs. According to a report, they both have decided that they will put Dwight’s face on their toilet paper at both the Amway Center and Staples Center. That way Magic fans, Laker fans, NBA fans, and little kids that had too many tacos can show Dwight what they really think of him and his contributions to both clubs.

“It was a messy divorce here, but we honestly do appreciate Dwight’s contributions,” said Magic coach Jacque Vaughn. “Hell his temper tantrum and crying about Stan Van Gundy and the CBA players he called a team is the reason I have this job to begin with. I’m eternally grateful, and plan on showing him every time I hit the bathroom here. I’ll even try to mix in a little more P.F. Chiang’s into my diet so I can show him that much more. Thank you Dwight. I’ll even show that #12 jersey of yours the same feelings I show your face, so that you know I’m not disrespecting you giving it to Tobias Harris.” Jacque Vaughn: class act.

What does L.A. think of this idea? “I think it’s great honestly, I’ll probably burn through a lot of Dwight TP pretty fast though,” said Lakers guard Kobe Bryant. “All this stupidity about me being ranked “25th”, I’ve gotta safely take out my aggression somewhere that won’t get me hurt again. What better place than Dwight’s face? It’ll start in the bathroom and I’ll finish it on the court later this year. I’ll even make sure to show him our new Dwight TP when he comes to Staples so that he truly sees that we really did care about that year he spent here and truly wish him the best in Houston.” Kobe: always the bigger man.


What do people around the league think of this?

“We actually did the same thing for LeBron the year after he left for Miami. What better way to honor a guy like that?” said Cavs F Anderson Varejao.

“I wish we had it here already, I can’t wait for the end of this year to honor him after he demands another trade,” said Rockets G James Harden.

“I actually have it in my house already. I make sure to honor him as often as I can,” said former Magic coach Stan Van Gundy.


Dwight Howard wants the Magic to retire his #12 jersey, but it looks like the whole NBA’s doing an excellent job of honoring him already. Keep up the good work, Dwight. Everyone loves you.

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