ESPN Reveals New Programming Lineup


Bristol, Connecticut — ESPN has released their new programming schedule to the public, and the news is making headlines.

Beginning on April 1st, ESPN will start using the new sports guidelines given to the sports network by their parent company, The Walt Disney Company. Highlights of the new programming include:

  • A 3-hour late night block dubbed ESPN After Hours which consists of Skip Bayless drooling over a signed photo of Tim Tebow and Brent Musburger staring and making inappropriate comments at attractive women.
  • An “Obscure Sports Hour” which airs lesser know sports including shin kicking, Amish Rake Fighting, and X-treme Soap Box Derby. Shin-Kicking
  • Reduce NHL coverage even further, with a total of 5 seconds of coverage acceptable per month.
  • A minimum of 7 half-hour specials dedicated to breaking down every single play Lebron James does or doesn’t do.
  • A musical number featuring the Denver Broncos titled Omaha: A New Beginning. peyton-manning-omaha-meaning
  • Revamping Numbers Never Lie to where the numbers actually do lie.
  • Roundtable debates on whether NASCAR is really a sport and if Dale Earnhardt was the “Redneck Messiah”
  • Brand new episodes of American Gladiator

Just glancing at it, it appears the NHL gets hosed again (what else is new), MLB doesn’t get touched, the NFL gets a little more…questionable coverage, and the NBA will dominate as it currently does. So really, has anything changed?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>