Ohio State president E. Gordon Gee apologizes for his remarks


THE Ohio State University’s president E. Gordon Gee did a terrible thing last Decemeber at a Booster meeting. He told a couple jokes. Yes. JOKES. Some rather weak jokes at that. How could he do such a thing? Well he’s realized the error of his ways and has issued an apology statement. Unfortunately it’s too late to save his job, as he’s already been basically forced to retire on July 1 for committing such a heinous crime. But perhaps this lunatic can save some face here.

Gee’s statement:

“I apologize for my remarks to the boosters. It was out of line for me to make jokes out of things that were basically true. It’d have been better if I shot someone, at least I would’ve shown some tenacity. But instead I decided to appeal to our boosters and make them feel comfortable with me and the school, so stupid. I tried to put them in a happy mood that would make them want to donate more money towards helping our education. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me, trying to do my job. I will seek help for wanting to do something so awful. I plan to visit SEC crowds and make them feel more at ease about being inbred illiterate rednecks. I’ll even bring “Go Dog Go” and try to help them read it. I’ll also take them to some NASCAR races. Those rednecks love their NASCAR. I’ll try to explain that you don’t want to sleep with your sister, that’s appalling. At least sleep with your cousin or something. That’s a little more socially acceptable. As far as the Catholics at Notre Dame go, I’m sorry I used the word “damn” when describing them. I know they get sensitive about swear words. I should’ve just said “you really can’t trust those Catholics.” At least everyone knows THAT is true. I’m also going to visit Mark May at ESPN and give him a present: a 2nd grade English textbook. Have you seen that man’s tweets? My dog could type using better English, and she’s blind. Yikes. So many stupid people, so little time. But I will do what I can to help. Again, I’m sorry for speaking the truth.”


Three apologies and he’s making an effort to do what he can for those still reading at a 2nd grade reading level 12 years after 2nd grade. At least that’s a start. But no more of those “jokes” or this crazy man needs to be put in a mental institution or federal prison, where he clearly belongs.

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