[Insert Holiday Here] lists for all 30 NHL teams


Well, ladies and gentlemen, it’s almost here. Due to the seemingly invasive amount of political correctness that is drowning every unwilling individual in existence, I cannot mention the holiday that occurs on December 25th. Instead, I have to replace it with a generic greeting that is as much fun as a cheer for a sport team that is nicknamed the “Humans” (for an explanation: However, I would be remiss to omit how every NHL team has filled out a wish-list that they hope will be fulfilled as a [CENSORED] Miracle. NOTSC has acquired each teams’ list, so every fan can know what their team hopes happens to either turn their season around, or keep up the good fortunes.

Without further ado, here are the 2013 NHL [Insert Holiday Here] Lists, broken down by division.


Atlantic Division (Insert Holiday Here) Lists

Boston Bruins

* Everyone on the Pittsburgh Penguins to stop being a bunch of pansies and man up and fight them, already.

* A redo on the Phil Kessel-Tyler Seguin trade, where Toronto gets stuck with Seguin’s headaches while Kessel lights the lamp in Beantown.

* A redo of last year’s Stanley Cup Game 6 Meltdown.


Tampa Bay Lightning

* Steven Stamkos to return and never be hurt again.

* Jonathan Drouin to somehow convince Nathan MacKinnon to join him in Tampa.

* One of their goalies to step up and become great.


Montreal Canadiens

* No team to ever move to Quebec to re-form the Nordiques.

* The contraction of every Sun Belt team.

* Every player on the team to speak French and only French.


Detroit Red Wings

* A superstar Defenseman. (specifically, Shea Weber, Ryan Suter, and/or Oliver Ekman-Larsson)

* Every aging captain that has played with his respective team for 8+ years.

* A new $15 trillion dollar stadium.


Toronto Maple Leafs

* A redo of that infamous Game 7 versus Boston.

* To fleece another team like they fleeced the Bruins in the Kessel-Seguin trade.

* Rob Ford to be their manager.


Ottawa Senators

* Daniel Alfredsson back.

* Life imprisonment for Matt Cooke still.

* A better goalie.


Florida Panthers

* The new owners to not move the team.

* Tim Thomas to get back to playing at an elite level.

* To be better than the Tampa Bay Lightning.


Buffalo Sabres

* A new team.

* A better owner.

* The first 5 picks of the next 20 NHL Drafts.


Metropolitan, Central, and Pacific Divisions:

One Comment

  1. Pingback: [Insert Holiday Here] lists for all 32 NFL teams - NOTSportsCenter

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