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SOURCES: Cleveland considering changing its’ name to “Hoyerland”

BrianHoyer

After the surprising trade of Trent Richardson and the promotion of a QB over backup Jason Campbell that no one could’ve seen coming even if they had psychic powers or were on the most ridiculous acid trip known to man (http://notsportscenter.com/beervendorqb/), it looked like the Browns were headed south for the winter…in September. Turns out they even suck at sucking on purpose, so they started winning. Many credited Brian Hoyer, who won his first 2 starts as Cleveland QB. Who else could say that?

No really, who else could say that? Obviously no one. Madden would explode if you pulled that off in that game, let alone a real QB/beer vendor pulling it off in real life. Everything was great headed into Thursday night football, Hoyer was looking to win his 3rd straight start and likely have a statue erected in his honor for pulling off the impossible feat of winning 3 games as starting QB for the Browns. But then in true Cleveland fashion, disaster struck, and Hoyer tore his ACL, ending his season in brutal fashion.

Somehow the Browns still won, and Brian Hoyer finishes his season (and likely his career as Browns starter) 3-0 in games he started. Read that again: Brian Hoyer finished a season undefeated as Browns starter. UNDEFEATED. He started more than one game for the Browns and did not lose. It’s like winning the lottery 4 times in one month. It’s like the 2013 Jaguars winning a game. It’s like the national sports media going 20 minutes without talking about LeBron’s latest meal or bowel movement. It simply doesn’t happen.

So according to multiple sources, the city of Cleveland is considering changing its’ name to “Hoyerland.” City officials feel this is the greatest accomplishment in Cleveland Browns history that will likely never be matched (they’ve given up on that “Super Bowl” thing), and that this is the only way to appropriately honor it. If they do this and draft Johnny Manziel, playing for the “Hoyerland Browns” could get a little awkward, but it’s not like putting Johnny Drunkass in Cleveland wouldn’t be awkward to begin with anyway.

If this is approved, the change to “Hoyerland” could inspire the Cavs, Indians, Browns all to great heights that their fans couldn’t have even dreamed of. For example, Kyrie Irving might not bolt the second he becomes a free agent, he might wait 5 minutes. The Indians might actually score a run when losing their next wildcard game. Johnny Manziel might not be a Ryan Leaf type bust for the Browns, he might only be a Sam Bradford type bust. And it’ll all be possible thanks to the amazing success of Brian freakin’ Hoyer.

Forget Kurt Warner’s rise from grocery store clerk to Super Bowl champion/MVP. This is the true hollywood story. Welcome to Hoyerland.

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