Knicks shopping JR Smith, hoping for at least nothing in return

By NOTNBATonight
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Updated: January 10, 2014

According to reports, the Knicks are pursuing a trade of JR Smith. The relationship between beleaguered coach Mike Woodson and JR Smith began to decay recently once Woodson realized that JR Smith is, in fact, JR Smith. “I just didn’t see it at first,” Woodson said. “I thought he might have been Novak or Copeland or somebody. My bad.”

JR Smith, the reigning NBA 6th Man-Of-The-Year, has seen his trade value plummet this season. First knee surgery, then testing positive for marijuana and now the recent string of bizarre antics that include untying other player’s shoes, placing whoopee cushions on Woodson’s seat, a streak of wet willies inflicted upon Knicks executives and, of course, his sexual relations with every single Madison Square Garden employee including 68 year old, semi-retired popcorn vendor Marsha Middleton.

“I wonder if they’d notice me drinking from a flask? It’s worth a shot.”

(pic via @Jose3030)

The troubled relationship between Smith and the entire planet spoiled further when Smith’s younger brother, Chris Smith, was cut from the roster. “Hey, it helped our team,” Woodson said. The trend continued after the Knicks disposed of the Miami Heat with JR Smith glued to the bench. “Every time we disrespect a Smith,” Woodson said, “an angel gets its wings.”

The issue that faces the Knicks front office is the potential trade market for JR Smith. Several sources have indicated that the Knicks are shopping Smith for a return package of a firm handshake, but have recently lowered their demands to a high five, fist pound or worst case scenario, a head nod. “The point is, we’re shooting for nothing,” General Manager Steve Mills said. “We’re confident we can get nothing in return if we play our cards right.”

“Man this is ridiculous…I can’t reach anyone’s shoes from here.”

(pic via @Jose3030)

After the Knicks victory over the Heat, JR Smith made himself available for comments. When asked about his benching by reporters, Smith’s only reply was, “Show me your boobs,” before blowing a bong hit in the reporter’s face.