Kentucky fan says he’s moving to Africa to keep the tattoo


Just before the 2014 NCAA Tournament, an insane Kentucky fan got the tattoo pictured above, pre-celebrating Kentucky’s 2014 National Championship. Yes, 2014. Was he watching tape from 2012 thinking it was 2014? Possibly. After all,  those 40-0 big blue dreams had dropped to 39-1, to 38-2, to 37-3, to oh my god are we even going to make the tournament? Was he drunk? Probably. After all, who gets a tattoo sober? But he did it, and amazingly, round by round he started to look like a genius.

Aaron Harrison kept draining threes from the parking lot, teams like Louisville kept throwing up enough bricks at the free throw line to build an entire neighborhood of houses, and Kentucky suddenly couldn’t stop winning. But then they played UConn and those dreams came crashing down faster than the Cubs’ hopes of winning a World Series do when the calendar turns to April. What was to blame? Poor free throw shooting? George Bush and his farts? (GIF:

No. None of those. Well maybe Bush. It’s always his fault. Him and Jay Cutler. But the real culprit, as you can see below, was Willie Cauley-Stein’s shirt.


Brian Long: “I’m on TV across the world next to this…thing, aren’t I? Man. They don’t pay me nearly enough to sit here. I need a raise.”

So now that Cauley-Stein has cost Kentucky a title, the tattoo is now like Julius Randle’s infamous press conference: an embarrassment that can’t be erased (Video of that here: Or is it? The fan (who has preferred to remain nameless due to all the nonstop laughter) says he’s keeping it. Yes, really. Seems he really, really needs to quit drinking. Bill W. has some friends he needs to meet.  But the fan insists he’s sober and that he has a plan to seem less crazy.

He’s moving. To Africa. That way he can grab some “Kentucky 2013-14 National Champions” shirts to match his tattoo and walk around and no one will know the difference. The kids that have “Auburn 2014 National Champions” will even think he’s really cool, they love the SEC now.


These guys have become big SEC fans lately

“To be honest, I think it’s the best idea I’ve had since I got this tattoo,” the fan said. “I’ll blend in perfectly. Plus there are plenty of SEC fans living there already wearing “SEC: 8 straight” shirts after Auburn’s “victory” (more on that here:, so i’ll be right at home and the SEC can be one step closer to world domination. I think we’ve targeted an African college for the next conference expansion anyway. Suck it UConn! BBN and SEC for life y’all!”

And then he was off to Google where Africa was actually located, because he honestly had no idea. After all, SEC fans aren’t a fan of college sports for the “college” aspect. But hey…unlike when he got the tattoo, at least he’s got a plan that actually makes sense this time. To an SEC fan, anyway.

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