SOURCE: LeBron asked if he can wear a helmet next year

By NOTSCWill
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Updated: August 20, 2013

The national obsession is finally over. LeBron’s hairline is no more, as he finally decided to stop kidding himself and shave the 3 hairs he had left off of his head. Sadly now millions on twitter will no longer be able to add “LeBron’s hairline” to every trending hashtag. Now that is hairline is not a “joke” response anymore, the question turns to next year on the court, as there won’t be any use for that headband everyone obsessed over during the Finals. (http://notsportscenter.com/lebronheadband/) What will he do now?

Does he want to keep hiding his head without any hair on it now that we’ve all seen it? Of course he does, he’s LeBron, just like his fans he’s overly sensitive about any even slightly negative comment or joke. Tell LeBron the weather sucks today and he’ll take it as a personal insult, cry a little, then tell you he “ain’t got no problems.” So he needs protection (and we’re not talking off the court, but if you believe the rumors, his fiance probably needs the protection) for his newly bald head, and has made a unique request.

This could be coming to a basketball court near you

According to a source, he asked David Stern personally if he can wear a football helmet on the court next year. He thinks it accomplishes two things: hides his head, and protects himself from all the “fouls” he’s constantly claiming he gets. Is it fair to let someone the size of a mack truck wear a football helmet so he can barrel over people in the lane and have the fouls called on the people he runs over? It’s fair to LeBron, that’s all he cares about. And you already know that’s all David Stern cares about.

If Stern approves it, be prepared for the inevitable 9824 hours of media speculation about what this means for his career as a football player. You know David Stern loves publicity, he feeds on it much the way a vampire feeds on fresh blood, so odds are he probably will approve it. Then when LeBron runs over and knocks out all the stars with the crown of his helmet during the season, he’ll have a nice and easy path to the Finals again while all the NBA stars are in the hospital watching it on TV.

It’s obvious that Stern should approve it, if he does everybody wins, except everyone who isn’t the Heat. And that’s just the way LeBron and David Stern like it.