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Tim Lincecum’s Arm Donated To Cooperstown

Lincecum

We know the first question you asked upon hearing Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum had thrown a no-hitter. OK, actually the second question after “Was he pitching an intrasquad game against the Giants?” What most people wanted to know was “He threw how many pitches?”

Living up to his nickname, The Freak threw 148 pitches in no-hitting the San Diego Padres (approximately twice as many as one would think it would take to no-hit the Padres). Considering his unusual delivery, it created quite the drama at Petco Park that night as fans wondered if he would complete the rare feat before his arm went flying into the fourth row while throwing a pitch. Alas, his arm survived the effort and will now be sent along with his hat and the ball to Cooperstown to be displayed in the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

“I’m so stoked right now, dude”, the former Cy Young winner told reporters after the game. “It’s going to be harsh living without that arm. I’m going to have a hard time rolling my, um….tortillas. Yeah, tortillas. It was totally worth it, though. Taco Bell has offered me Fourth Meal Deals for only $1.48 for the rest of my life.”

San Francisco manager Bruce Bochy was shocked at his one-time ace’s gem: “I’m incredibly happy for Timmy and was thrilled that I eventually had a chance to share that with him. Unfortunately, I was so focused on making sure our boneheaded hitters were batting in the proper order that I had no idea he threw the no-no until about an hour after the game.”

For their part, the Padres were gracious hosts, submitting this press release following the contest: “We congratulate Tim Lincecum on throwing the first no-hitter at Petco Park, generating more excitement in this stadium than in the last seven years combined. As such, we anticipate many more no-hitters here in the second half of the season. We will be the Oprah Winfrey of no-hitters. You get a no-hitter and you get a no-hitter and you get a no-hitter….but not you, Dodgers, because you guys are douchebags.”

Lincecum’s arm will be placed on display in the New York shrine with other notable body parts including Ted Williams’ eyes, Mickey Mantle’s liver and Barry Bonds’ shrunken testicles.

One Comment

  1. Pingback: PIC: Tim Lincecum has a new job after his 2nd Padres no-hitter - NOTSportsCenter

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