NCAA investigating Johnny Manziel for trading autograph for “food”


Pretty much every day you wake up and it’s “well, what did Johnny Manziel do THIS time? And did it involve hookers?” Today is no exception, but sadly, no hookers are involved (yet?). And again, he’s trading his autograph…but it gets even better. Now he’s doing it for performance enhancers. Yes, the NCAA has reason to believe he’s been trading his autographs to grocery stores for some well known performance enhancers, so they’ve begun an investigation into the matter. It’s something Johnny is apparently calling “food,” whatever that means.


Look at all the “food” he has to choose from

Apparently what Johnny does is he goes to these places, picks out the “food” he wants for the day or weekend or week, and then takes it to the “cash register” where he gives a “credit card” and is given a “receipt” where he’s “forced” to sign his autograph on it before he leaves with the stuff, aka the “food.” It sounds like a giant ponzi scheme, doesn’t it? That’s how the NCAA is interpreting it. The NCAA is worried about how deep this runs because there’s usually tons of people there also trading their autographs for “food.”¬†They’re concerned other players might be doing the same thing.

An NCAA spokesman addressed the situation, “This type of behavior simply cannot go on by a student at one of our member institutions. He’s violating countless NCAA bylaws by doing this. But he’s also pretty damn good, so I don’t know what we’re gonna do here. We’ll probably just look around for a while and pretend like there’s something we’re doing, then come to the conclusion there’s nothing to find. Then like 5 years down the line when everyone’s forgotten about this team we can take action. It’s exactly what we’ve done with Cam Newton and Auburn. Oh wait…I probably wasn’t supposed to say that. Pretend you didn’t hear that.”

Too late. Although they’ll be too busy “investigating” to catch this, so it won’t be a problem. But Johnny…trading autographs for performance enhancers? Shame on you Johnny Manziel. Calling it “food” or whatever you’re calling it doesn’t make it any better. These kids today.

One Comment

  1. Pingback: Johnny Football: I'm Going Back to Texas A&M - The Unprofessional Football League

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