Meet the Marlins


In the wake of a multitude of changes made in the offseason, Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria arranged for a “Meet the Marlins” event at “The House That Crayola Built”, Marlins Park, in advance of Opening Day. The gathering was primarily intended for the coaches and managers to get a chance to introduce themselves to each other, but was also open to fans of the team as well.

Loria himself was unable to personally attend as the flight into Miami would have required him to put more money into the team that he has been interested in spending. He did, however, prepare a letter praising all those on the roster for honoring their contracts despite their better judgment. He went on to expand upon his grand scheme: setting the expectations so low that the Marlins actually cannot fail. Of course, the letter never arrived because, again, a first class stamp is simply not in the team’s budget this year.

Among those who did show up, manager Mike Redmond liked what he saw. “Regardless of whatever happened since the end of last season, we’ve still got a great bunch of guys that will take the field every day,” stated the Marlins’ skipper. “I mean, just look at #26 over there. There’s a good-looking athlete right there, and he’s excited to be here amongst his new teammates.”

When it was pointed out #26 was just a fan, Redmond was undaunted: “This team will battle. This team will give 110%. This team will be ready for prime time.” He may be right, in that the starting lineup may resemble “The Walking Dead” and the pitching staff’s off-speed stuff will likely be “Breaking Bad”.

One rookie, starting pitcher Jose Fernandez, is on board with his new manager now that he’s made the jump all the way from the Class A Jupiter (FL) Hammerheads. “I’m looking forward to taking advantage of my opportunity in Miami and helping this team do great things. The biggest adjustment I’ll have to make is performing in from of smaller crowds than I’m accustomed to in Jupiter.”

Not all players, however, were as excited about what they experienced. “There’s not much point in me getting too familiar with any of these guys,” said Giancarlo Stanton, listed on the team’s official roster as outfielder/temp worker. “I may very well be gone before you post this article.”

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