Guy that watched all 20 innings of Mets vs Marlins tells his story

On Saturday June 8th, the New York Mets and the YMCA Florida Miami Marlins played 20 innings of baseball. TWENTY. And it was not a doubleheader. It was one long nightmare, worse than anything ever found on Elm Street. Apparently hell is real after all. The one guy that survived watching all 20 innings was kind enough to share his story with NOTSC after we bought him a few dozen beers to help numb the pain from the terror he just experienced for 6+ hellish hours.

“I…I…wow. I feel like I just spent 30 years at Guantanamo Bay with a wet washcloth on my face. If the government wants to know details about Al Qaeda, I’ll spill them. I don’t know any, but after going through that I’m ready to cooperate with whoever wants me to. Being laid down in a stack of naked men while someone took a picture would’ve been less humiliating than this.” See? Obama’s right. We don’t need Gitmo, we’ve got the Mets and Marlins. That’s MUCH worse.

He drank a few beers and then continued. “You’d think I would’ve just gotten up and left like everyone else. But I couldn’t. It just sucked me in. When two teams suck that much it’s like the most powerful vacuum you can think of. No matter what I tried to do, I couldn’t get away. It’s like they handcuffed me to the seats. I felt like I was in one of Jigsaw’s games from Saw. By the 19th inning I was ready to be cut into a thousand pieces just to escape.” Sounds like we’ve got the plot for SAW VIII: the return.

The poor guy continued. “They cut off the drink service in the 7th. I watched over TWELVE innings of that sober. I’d have rather seen Gigli three times in a row. I’d have rather watched 3 WNBA games in a row. I’d have rather “experimented” with Jason Collins. You name it, I’d have rather done it. But instead I had the bright idea of taking someone’s Mets’ tickets today. Ugh. I should get a medal of honor for surviving that.” He’s got a point. A very, very brave man.

What happened when it finally ended? “I sat there for a good 10 minutes before I realized it was over. I was so traumatized I didn’t even see Placido Polanco score the winning run. I didn’t even realize he was on the Marlins. I swear he was on the Cardinals when the game started. But when I finally realized it was over, I just cried. A couple Citi Field employees helped me to my car. I’ve never been in jail, but now I know what it feels like to be released. The outside world seems so strange to me now.”

He’ll need therapy for sure. Luckily he was nice enough to share that with us. The moral of the story? Don’t accept free Mets tickets. It’s just not going to end well.

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One Comment

1. 

   bmurdoc

   at

   Hahaha, poor bastard

   Reply