SOURCE: Ndamukong Suh fined $100,000 for Mike Tomlin’s actions


Thanksgiving came and went pretty fast as it always does, thanks to lots of football madness. Ndamukong Suh had an early lunch time Thanksgiving feast of pure white meat (aka Matt Flynn’s legs) en route to a demolition derby win over the Packers, the Lions’ first T-day win in the Roger Goodell Flag Football era. Later on, the Raiders pretended to be a viable team for a few quarters, but then got tired of all that (they drank too much whiskey trying to tolerate Selena Gomez’ halftime “performance”) and lost.

Then of course, we have the the night game. A year after the Buttfumble, we got the Tomlinslide. Let’s take one more look at it:


(GIF via @SBNationGIF)

Heyyyyyyy Jacoby Jooooones….op, op, op, op, oppa Tomlin style. (ICYMI, some great memes were greated from this:

Naturally,  a coach deciding to create a new annoyingly catchy dance move on the field in the middle of a kick return results in a very obvious fine. Roger Goodell took one look at the play, and knew right away what to do. Did he fine Tomlin? Hell no, why would he fine the guy actually guilty of the act? James Harrison? No, he’s bored of him. Ed Reed? Him too. He did the only thing he could possibly do: he fined Ndamukong Suh again. According to a source, Suh was fined $100,000 for Tomlin’s actions.

Goodell on the decision: “When I heard Ndamukong was at home watching this illegal move unfold on TV, I immediately knew he was to blame. He was probably stuffing his fat dirty face celebrating the Lions and plotting his next “accident.” He’s the worst thing to happen to this league since Thursday Night Football was created. I know Tomlin would’ve never tried that had he not been watching. The Steelers are so clean and pure. It’s all Suh’s fault. So I’ve fined him $100,000, which is actually less than usual.”

Clean and pure? The Steelers? Goodell: “Since Harrison left.” Ahhhh. When in doubt, blame James Harrison (or Jay Cutler). We took a look at Ndamukong’s bank balance, and it showed a bigger negative number than the U.S. National Debt. Goodell: “That’s his problem,  not mine. I got my money, son.” When Roger was reminded over the phone that he actually helped expand Thursday Night Football, he said something about “losing signal” and “being unable to hear” and then there was a click and was he was gone.

Of course Goodell has history with fining Suh for ridiculous reasons (, so none of this should be surprising. It’s Roger’s world and we’re all just living in it until he decides to take over the world and make us all “protect the shield” as his slaves. Plus, remember Roger’s motto: When in doubt, pinky fine it out.

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