Biogenesis releases names of MLB players NOT on PEDs


The list of guys on roids in MLB is quite extensive. Everyone knows about A-Rod and Ryan Braun, but obviously there are many, many, many, many, many others. Deciding it would be easier this way, Biogenesis released the names they were NOT providing PEDs to. There are a few surprises.

The official list:
-Brandon Inge
-Carlos Marmol (but someone in the Dodgers front office is on SOMETHING for wanting him)
-The Houston Astros
-Albert Pujols (they recently gave him tic tacs that they claimed were steroids, he couldn’t tell the difference…explains a lot)
-All Miami Marlins not named Giancarlo Stanton
-Jose Valverde
-All Seattle Mariners not named Jesus Montero (turns out Felix is just THAT good…too bad he’s stuck in Seattle for life. And Montero must’ve put the roids in his hair or something.)
-All Chicago Cubs not named Anthony Rizzo
-Jose Canseco (turns out he’s never actually been on roids, he’s been injecting pure LSD into his system. Also explains a lot.)
-All New York Mets not named Matt Harvey or David Wright

That’s it. Turns out the White Sox and Brewers actually need pharmaceutical help to be as bad as they are. Brutal. How will Bud Selig suspend all the others? The same way the NCAA does: throw darts at the board and whatever names he comes up with (like Nelson Cruz, Jhonny Peralta) get suspended. Tough and unfair. Just the way Bud likes it.

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  1. Pingback: Biogenesis Gives Names Of MLB Players NOT On PEDs « The Lyfe Mag

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