Roger Goodell fires MNF refs for not calling PI for Tom Brady


You probably heard about how MNF between the Panthers and Patriots ended, unless you don’t actually know what a football is, in which case: get back to practice Jaguars. Needless to say, Tom Brady was not too happy about the refs picking up the flag, even using a few no-no words as you can hear below:

As you might expect, there was pretty major fall out from such an ending. Was Tom Brady fined for swearing at the refs? You’re kidding right? Hell no. Section 12 of the NFL rulebook titled “The Brady does whatever the hell he wants and if you don’t like it too f-ing bad Rules” (explained below), prevents that. No, the refs that picked up the flag were immediately fired by Roger Goodell for not saving Tom Brady (again). Looks like last year’s replacement refs will have some new co-workers at Foot Locker.

Goodell: “This is ridiculous. We went over this with these officials in basic training. Rule 5, Section 12 says that whenever Tom Brady is in distress and needs help, the officials are to throw a flag. This applies at all times, 24/7. If Tom Brady is unable to hail a cab in downtown New York, our officials are to immediately throw a flag for roughing the passer and apply it to the Jets’ next game. Simple, right? So due to them not following simple rules, I’ve had to let them go. I will be pursuing further charges as well.”

According to our sources, Roger Goodell is attempting to convince Carolina state court that these officials should be sent to death row on first degree murder charges for killing the Patriots’ chance to win the game. He’s convinced he’s going to win, because, after all: no one screws with Tom Brady and lives to tell about it. He made sure to remind the officials working the Patriots/Saints game of this earlier this year before Tom Brady lead the game winning drive and won, largely assisted by this missed holding:


“I was scared to death,” one unnamed official said about talking to Goodell before that drive. “He said he wanted to play a game before that drive. I thought I was in a Saw movie. So hell no I didn’t call holding. I don’t want to be chopped into a thousand pieces in my sleep. Whatever Roger wants is what I do. Heil Goodell!” Don’t make Roger Goodell angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

Let’s take a look at the Brady section of the NFL Rulebook, it might shed some light on this:

NFL Rulebook, Section 12: The Brady does whatever the hell he wants and if you don’t like it too f-ing bad Rules

-1. If someone is in the same area code as Tom Brady, it is considered Roughing the Passer.
-2. If someone actually sacks Tom Brady, it is considered first degree assault and punishable to the fullest extent of the law.
-3. If someone intercepts Tom Brady, a flag is to be thrown for “fair catch interference” for not allowing his receiver a fair chance to catch the ball.
-4. If Tom Brady does something stupid like fumble, make up a rule as fast as possible that sounds real to overturn it. (For example, the “Tuck Rule” was invented for this reason. No one knows what the $!!@%@ a tuck actually is.)
-5. Whenever Tom Brady is in distress, a flag is to be thrown. This applies at all times, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

We’d go on, but there’s 943 rules in that section alone. You get the idea.

To prevent future issues like this, Tom Brady will be given a brand new Kindle Fire complete with a special Tom Brady version of the mayday button that he can keep on the sidelines. That way if he is ever in distress again, he can pull out his Kindle Fire, hit mayday, and immediately speak to Roger Goodell. Through the Kindle Fire, Roger can immediately have killed whoever Brady wants. Perfect. Remember: no one screws with Tom Brady and lives to tell about it.

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  • Kevin Clements

    LOL Hilarious and true

  • anonymous

    The Tuck rule: When Tom Brady tucks his “you know” to put his panties on.

    • Ethan Anderson

      I bet you would LOVE Tom Brady if he was your team’s Quarterback?

      • Carrie VanVleet

        NE is my team and I have no love for Brady at all outside of being a member of the team. He is not a God, and should not be treated as such.

        • pats4life

          your a women, instantly discounts anything you say related to any sport other than tennis. sorry. im sure you make a mean sandwhich or are super good at laundry or something but let the guys talk please…

          • Juke

            LOL what a faggot. Plenty of women are actually more knowledgeable than men at sports. Well, your a pats fan. No wonder you act like a complete dick

          • Carrie VanVleet

            Why don’t you take your ASS back to pre1950, with that thinking. I may not be as knowledgeable about the NFL as some, however I could probably beat you on any other sport that you think is for men only, with the exception of NASCAR, golf, and if you must count it, hunting. I lettered in 3 different sports in high school and play at least 6 different sports, only one of which you seem to think I am deemed to know anything about. I am VERY knowledgeable in Soccer, swimming, tennis, basketball, baseball/softball, volleyball, and gymnastics. You sir, are a neanderthal!

      • Jimmie Thorne

        Brady is overrated. However, the Patriots are well coached, especially their O-line. Matt Cassel is a prime example. Everyone was gushing over Matt Cassel……then everyone realize he was a product of a system.

        • pats4life

          brady IS the stystem though, this system is what it is because its been designed around his skill set. pocket passer with poise.

      • pats4life

        damn right they would, hes getting older and hes going to fall off/retire eventually, but EVERY TOM BRADY HATER EVER, cannot say they wouldnt want him on their team at his best, more than any other qb. if they can say differently with a str8 face they are psychopaths.

        • pats4life

          i h8 eli and peyton, you give me a must win game and brady goes down, i hate the fuckin kid but ill take eli 10/10 times, you give me a 16 game season in a dome with 2 good wr’s, ill take peyton.

      • Juke

        uhmmm NO. I would probably tolerate him,but shit his personality is crap. Brb something doesnt go his way. Throw a hissy fit. Flags thrown. New rules are made up.

    • Edwin Feraco

      Tell us about all your successes in foot ball. Though so.

    • pats4life

      yea hes a real pussy dude, been to 5 superbowls and worked his ass off to get the starting job off the bench, hes a real lady. when tom brady COMPLETED a first down pass sitting on his ass (after tripping maybe 06ish?) i realized then and there he was the best, just a lil flick of the wrist and boom first down, he literally plays better than your qb while he sits down. and i dont need to know who your fav qb is to make this statement lol

      • Mike Emert

        Who worked his ass off, from the bench? Your fucking kidding me. Tom Brady CAME IN during the AFC Champ in 2001 when Drew Bledsoe got hurt smart ass.

  • Todd Fowler

    It’s time to restrict ALL NFL QB’s to standing in the pocket and only hand off the ball or throw a pass, have them place flags on them and they can play flag football while the real men play grown up football, since no one can get close to them, I have seen bigger hits on High School QB’s than you see in the NFL now.

  • Christina Winker

    So true!!!

  • Ethan Anderson

    The calls this year have been TERRIBLE! #rd down drives keep getting extended, due to TOO MUCH protection of the QB. A game winning sack turns into a game winning-drive.

  • Scott Snoopy

    yet another reason that I do not watch professional sports…my life does not revolve around a bunch of whiny ass over grown children getting paid vast sums of money to play a game. As a capitalist I am thrilled they can make this much to play; however their rants, raves, and generally piss poor personalities and actions on/off the field is appaling. Get over it you lost, crap happens…play harder next week.

    • Ethan Anderson

      You don’t watch professional sports? Am I to respect your commentary on how to deal with professional sports?

    • mieke765

      But you read articles about professional sports AND comment????????

  • Michael Weeden

    Pats are 7-3 in a rebuilding year. Prob will finish 12-4 and to Patriots fans we will be slightly disappointed that we were not 14-2. Love being a pats fan, and having everyone else extremely jealous that our team finds a way to compete every year.

    • keith

      It’s not a rebuilding year. If you want to claim its a rebuilding year because you lost a few receivers then cry me a river dude. Rebuilding years occur after your franchise player leaves. It will happen eventually and when it does you will find out exactly how difficult it is to “compete every year”.

      • Liberals Are Racists

        lost every receiver

        • Mike Emert

          you only lost welker, and the killa from manilla hernandez. Dont tell me you lost Branch and Ocho Stinko they sucked as a Patriot. Who did you lose on defense? Chung? Lol big loss. Come back to me when you lose Tom Brady, Vince Wilfork, Gronk, Mankins, Canon and Ridley. “Rebuilding” Is when you lose 5+ members of your squad that ACCOUNT for the majority of play. You only lost 2…

          • Mike Emert

            and lemme go on the record for saying because of QBs like Brady that this will eventually turn into the NFFL. National Flag Football League. Look at Peyton Manning, Coming off such an injury and is STILL fighting for fumbles and the ball. Yet HE EVEN doesnt get the BS flags that Brady gets,

          • pats4life

            bro steve gregory, vince wilfork, jerod mayo, talib, 5 defensive starters right there off the top of my head. so 5 people for a rebuilding year? looks like were in one, let manning deal with these issues, thats just defesne, if u gave us teh broncos rec core itd be 07 all over again. haters haters haters.

          • pats4life

            sorry also we lost tommy kelly and kyle love another 2 so thats 6

          • pats4life

            ON JUST defense, brady has mad it to 5 superbowls in todays era, thats just unreal/unheard of dude. stop hating for one sec, does brady get calls? yes. and that should tell you the amount of pull an respect he has, you dont get baby’d like that unless your the G.O.A.T.

          • Mike Emert

            Brady is the Face of the Patriots and the NFL. He is the NFL version of Kobe Bryant from the NBA. GONNA GET calls.

          • Mike Emert

            As I Said want this team to qualify as a “Rebuilding” team. Lose Mankins, Logan, Brady, Gronk, Wilfork, Talib. THE FACE of the team. THE EVERY DOWN players who are PLAYMAKERS.

          • Bailey Johnson

            Get a fucking life Emert……

          • Mike Emert

            Really? Thats 5? You sure? What are you doing counting Wilfork as 2?

    • Michael Weeden

      Well, it is now January 13th and as I predicted the patriots finished 12-4 and is now moving on to the AFC Championship…..

  • Johnny Hedden

    Eli owns Tom Brady

  • Michael Finnegan

    this author’s attempt at humor is poor…what an unfunny, unoriginal dude and writer…

    • bigvalbowski

      This article was hilarious, you obviously have no clue what humor is.. Go cry in the corner Pats fan..

      • johnny

        i wish i was like u, easily amused…what’s your fave cartoon?

        • ramjet

          dragon ball z, duh!

          • Jimmie Thorne


    • NOTSCWill

      The only thing poor, unfunny, and unoriginal on this entire article page is this pathetic attempt at an insult. If you’re gonna troll me at least say something mildly entertaining about sleeping with my mom or my girlfriend being 600 pounds.

      • johnny

        a model of consistency, yet still unfunny….and I would never insult the beautiful women in your life

    • pats4life

      im a pats fan and i found this funny. actually laughed a lil. i just hate when the brady boo’ers come out of the woodwork. YEA TOM BRADY SUCKS! HE STINKS MAN! TERRELL PRYOR* IS BETTER! GO RAIDERS! thats what i hate. *fill in any qb

      • johnny

        Im not even a Pats fan, or Brady backer; any writer relishes feedback ergo mine was the attempt at humor failed…you liked it, so its a wash

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  • redsoxu571

    This would have been a lot funnier if it weren’t only a few weeks removed from the penalty that led to the game winning field goal for the Jets against the Patriots. Kind of kills the tongue-in-cheek point.

  • john

    someones gotta mancrush

  • Jason Eldreth

    What a joke Goodell, a lot of worst blown calls this year!! I totally agree with the call of no pass interference and looked at the replay many times. Gronks momentum was carrying him to the back of the end zone and even if he was by himself Carolina had a defender underneath that would have intercepted the “underthrown” ball regardless of what happened with the defender who was on him. In addition, if the Pats got the call they still had to score from the 1 which was not guaranteed!!

  • NOTSCWill

    For all the Patriots people “bothered” by this article, I actually thought it should’ve been pass interference (or at least holding or illegal contact) myself, despite what I wrote. How about that? Try not getting so worked up about a satirical article and lighten up a little. There’s plenty of things on here about the Jets, maybe you won’t be so worked up about those?

  • JamesQC

    Wah! Wah! We won the World Series last month but I’m so mad about this play! I don’t have enough sports success as a Boston fan! I’m just so mad right now!111

  • Lyndon Hector

    omg that wasn’t even a hold its a stand still picture that makes it look like a hold look at the replay!!! >.< and tom Brady just needs to grow up and this is coming form a pats fan. In my honest point of view that person get fired for not telling the coaches what happen instead they ran of the field leaving everyone in confusion

  • Erika Johansen

    What happened Monday night was the worst officiating I’ve ever seen. At least, holding should have been called . This is the second game the patriots are robbed of because of refs. People who hate the patriots ( which is everyone outside of NE) will say this was a fair call, but anyone who is being unbiased and knows anything about football knows this call is a joke.

    • Curtis Caldwell

      What about the no call hold that should have been when they played the Saints? That would have negated the winning touchdown. Stop being but hurry about losing. That’s all you Patriot fans do. We lost because of a hold or pass interference that wasn’t called. Even your qb said, “we were beat by a better team.” Move on from this game and just get ready for the broncos. #iceupson!!

    • Josh Bacot

      You obviously didn’t watch football last year if you think that was the worst call. Remember Green Bay Seattle on MNF?

  • Curtis Caldwell

    Ice up son!!! Ice up!! People complain about this penalty like it was the super bowl. Carolina got redemption after 10 years. We have waited a long time to beat the Patriots and it happened. Stop being a bunch of whinny ass Yankees. Take the loss and move on. Your quarter back even said you were beaten by a better team. Time to move on. We have the dolphins to worry about this week. #onegameatatime #win #keeppounding #pantherpride #panthernation

    • pats4life

      the panthers are the texans of last year, theyll be one and done and they will go back to sucking next year like they always have, we won 11 games with matt fuckin cassell. who clearly on another team isnt very good. you guys have maybe the most all aound talented most athletic qb in the league, and you SUCK. you beat us the other night, i wont get into injury for injury but you beat us with that ridley fumble thats why this play doesnt really bother me as much as other fans. good win for you but dont get on a high horse, cause youll be crashing back down to earth soon.

    • Eric Johnston

      Hey Brady what color are your panties you pussy?

  • Jay Iacoi

    Who the heck is Tom Brady !!!! get over it pat fans !!!! roger should be fired !!!!

  • DolphinsRuleAll

    Normally I would never come the Patriots defense, but come on… If this is a league where a linebacker can violate an eligible receiver like Keuchly did on a crucial play in the game, then all the rules just went flying out the window. On the other hand, it could be considered karma for the holding non-call in that bogus win against the Saints. On yet another hand, f*ck the Patriots AND the Panthers.

  • Edwin Feraco

    Should be fired! Dirty refs all season!!!!!!!!!!

  • Anthony

    Ignorant, biased, sophomoric author. The ref wasn’t fired because he didn’t call it for “Tom Brady,” as if the entire play revolved around Tom Brady and it’s Tom Brady’s New England Patriots. There was an egregious situation that should have been handled fairly and professionally, and it wasn’t. The ref deemed the ball uncatchable; therefore, “justifying” not making the call, but, in reality, what constitutes a ball being “uncatchable,” is when it is overthrown and OUT OF REACH. Not if it is still in the playing field. Gronk could have come back, fought the defender for the ball, ball could have been tipped up, who knows? Or, the flag could have been called for pass interference making it 1st and goal on the 1, or holding for 1 and 10 at the 13. It was a bad no-call, and one that costed them not the game, but the opportunity to win the game.

    • The original B.S.

      He should have won the game before there were 3 seconds on the clock kid. The ball was under thrown and guess what? I foles were reversed you would have been all about it. A typical Patriots fan.

      • Anthony

        Idiot. I’m neither a Pats nor Carolina fan…I’m from New Orleans. So consider your statements before you ignorantly assume you have any idea whatsoever what you’re talking about, kid. And regardless whether or not the game “should have been won” before 3 seconds were left on the clock, does the game stop at 0:03, or does it keep going? Oh that’s right, there’s still ball left to be played. So take your ignorant statements and assumptions elsewhere because you’re making yourself sound and look stupid.

        • The original B.S.

          You’re the fool here because your ignorant mind believed the satire. And yes, 3 seconds can win a game but quite frankly, I am fed up with the Patriots and their whiny fans. Go take a look in the rule book and read the rule before you make yourself look like a dumbass on a website titled “not sports center.” I one care if your a pats fan or not – your original comment is incorrect per the book.

  • Mike Emert

    Just out of curiosity, DID ANYONE pick up on the FLAG for HOLDING against the saints, the ONE in perticular happend just as Brady threw the Game winning TD? Oh wait, that’s right. There wasn’t one.

  • Brian Poli

    The writer of this article is a douche bag. The end.

  • bundy

    rebuilding year? that’s a joke right, i’m a ravens fan, always hated the pats since the bs raiders game and the tuck rule was invented. the raven’s are in a rebuilding year. think about that. we lost our #1 receiver and 2 of the best defensive players to ever play the game along with another 12-14 players on defense and offensive respectively. that’s what rebuilding is, when u lose a couple of garbage receivers that’s not rebuilding that’s called free agents or trades lol. get a grip dude the pats are overrated and always have been, wait when brady retires or is severly injured I hope for the latter, then the pats will truly be a joke on and off the field. counting the days

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  • Les A. Keziah

    Goodell has his balls in Tom’s hand.. I’m not a Panthers fan but it was good to see them stand toe to toe… Pats got something Monday night they haven’t got most of the year.. a non Tom defense that shut him down alot of the game. So Goodell… ball up and quit being a Brady girl.

  • Mike Emert

    Isn’t that what St. Louis is doing? Hm I might be mistaken but the St. Louis Passing game was ranked top 10 with 2 rookie WR’s starting WITHOUT a running game. Note: WAS. WAS a top 10 in the first 7 games.

  • Mike Emert

    Haha. Welker had 118, woodhead 40 and Lloyd had 74. woodhead and lloyd were nobody’s on the field without welker. Hence why Lloyd is “retired” and Woodhead is still a backup in San Diego while Welker is on pace for several records. Just saying. WELKER is the only Relevant name on that list outside of Gronk. Woodhead is a RB, Hernandez AND Lloyd JUST BARELY eclipes Welkers total touchs. Just out of curiosity, who were the OTHER 4 receivers the Patriots lost?

  • Karthik Gomadam

    Satire?? Not a bad site for a N00B to practice writing skills

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  • Thomas

    The NFL has the same rule for section 23 and section 12? hmm :/

  • Paul Dunphy Jr.

    Even though this article is nearly a year old the comedy of it really is a reflection of reality.