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Former Tigers 3B Brandon Inge retroactively named 2011 NL MVP

BrandonInge

After Ryan Braun was suspended 65 games for “please don’t out all the evidence you have that I did tons and tons of steroids,” a question arose: what would become of his ill-gotten 2011 MVP award? Give it to Matt Kemp? Far too easy. He’s probably on roids too, after all. So who could they safely award it to? Prince Fielder? He’s on performance enhancing gravy. Justin Upton? Who could give a Diamondback an MVP trophy in 2013 with a straight face? Albert Pujols? Is that even is his real name? And isn’t he a robot?

See their problem? So they went down and down and down and down the line and finally found someone they felt safe that was 100% without a doubt not on anything: Brandon Inge. Yes, he of the Detroit Tigers at the time, but it didn’t matter. They justified giving Justin Verlander both the Cy Young and the MVP trophy in that very same year, why not give the NL MVP trophy to an AL player? This also means the Tigers had 2 MVPs on their team that year, and neither was Miguel Cabrera. That’s impressive.

Bud Selig on awarding Brandon Inge the 2011 NL MVP trophy: “I had actually suggested to Brandon in 2011 that he take some form of steroids so he could stop embarrassing himself at the plate. I even offered to supply him myself. But he refused. That kind of integrity deserves to be rewarded. So it is my proud honor…is honor the word I’m looking for here? I think so, hard to say that word and this name in the same sentence…to retroactively award the 2011 National League MVP to Brandon Inge.”

Brandon Inge becomes the first player to both put up pitcher-esque batting numbers and spend a large amount of time in triple A to be named MVP in the same season. He hit a whopping .197 with 3 home runs. He also kept the bench nice and warm so that Miguel Cabrera would be comfortable between innings. You simply can’t teach that kind of skill, which is why he was obviously so valuable and has now been justly rewarded after Braun was outted as the total fraud everyone but Brewers fans knew he was.

So the next time someone says you “throw like a girl” or “suck more than a hoover vacuum” hang in there. You could end up being named Most Valuable Player some day.

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