Nationals shutdown Stephen Strasburg after he reaches this season’s innings limit: 7

By NOTSCWill
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Updated: April 1, 2013

A lot of heads turned this afternoon when Nationals SP Stephen Strasburg was pulled after 7 innings and 80 pitches. Strasburg was basically cruising to an easy shutout victory over a team that should be playing slow pitch softball, and then was suddenly pulled. No one knew why. Now we do. The team has again shut Stephen Strasburg down for the season after he reached his innings limit for this year: 7.

That’s right, 7 whole innings. And you thought last year’s 160 or so innings limit for Strasburg was strict. What’s the logic behind this decision? Manager Davey Johnson: “We can’t afford to take ANY chances with Stephen. He’s our prized possession. He’s like a mint condition comic. And actually, now that I think about it, we should put him in a bag. Is that legal? Eh, I’m sure it is.”

Would you rather win 4 World Series titles overusing your star pitcher and having him tear every ligament in his arm by the end, or would you rather keep him healthy in a bag like a mint condition comic and throw away your best title chances in centuries? Seems like an obvious answer, right? Not to the Nationals.

Nationals GM Mike Rizzo: “I just couldn’t live with myself if he needed Tommy John surgery again. I’d sell off the players into slavery, fold the franchise, and immediately commit myself to a mental institution. Sure the odds are about 500000000 to 1 of that happening again, but how can I afford to risk it? I’d rather just look at him on the bench. He’s so pretty. No homo.”

It appears Mr. Rizzo may have ulterior motives here, but no one’s judging. Okay, we’re judging on the use of the phrase “no homo,” that’s awful. Needless to say, it doesn’t seem winning a World Series is a priority. Coming from a team that used to be a Major League Farm club when it was in Montreal, that’s not exactly surprising. They may not know what the World Series even is.

Stephen himself has an interesting offer: “I’m here to pitch, not sit on the bench all damn day. At least not at the price they’re paying me. Actually, I’m going to hold out for more money if they’re not going to play me. After piling up a bunch of strikeouts and getting pulled, I can be rich and chill on the bench. I’d be just like A-Rod, except I have actual talent.”

After laughing at his A-Rod burn, Strasburg threw in an extra offer: “I’ll actually take less money if they’d actually sack up and leave me in the damn game. You hear that Davey? You hear that Mike? I’ll take LESS money. NOW MAN UP, AND LET ME BACK ON THE DAMN ROSTER.”

Maybe in 2014 Stephen. Maybe.