NOTSportsCenter’s 2013 NBA Mock Draft

Everyone does a mock draft, so did we. Our Mock Drafts end up being more accurate than many “experts,” and much more interesting to read. There’s not one single shot taken at the Heat in this entire article…can you believe it? We left the whiny babies that call themselves Heat “fans” alone for once. Oh wait. Ignore that. Here’s how we see the First Round of the NBA Draft playing out.

 

1. Cavs – A 4 acre plot of land in Akron, Ohio

The Cavaliers are going all in on landing future free agent LeBron James and will select a large plot of land in Akron, Ohio, LeBron’s home town, to build a brand new NBA Arena. Their only hope to land the player that so heartlessly left Cleveland in the dust, is to heartlessly leave Cleveland in the dust. Congratulations to the Akron LeBronaliers in 2014.

 

2. Magic – Alex Len, C, Maryland

The Orlando Magic like Len’s size and girth and feel he’ll be the corner stone of their franchise for many years to come…until his rookie deal expires and he bolts to the Lakers. It’s an Orlando tradition.

 

3. Wizards – Kwame Brown, C, Glynn Academy

The Washington Wizards still see a ton of potential in Kwame Brown, a player they took #1 overall in the 2001 NBA Draft, and are destined to prove the selection was not a bust and believe 2013 will be his year. You know what they say, the 13th time is the charm.

 

4. Bobcats – The Birmingham Barons, Minor League baseball

If Charlotte’s General Manager Rich Cho (who?) has any hope of building a winning team, he’ll need to find a way to lure owner Michael Jordan completely away from basketball once again. The Birmingham Barons were successful in doing this once. Many around the organization see it as their only hope.

 

5. Suns – Avril Lavigne, Ontario, Canada

She’s small, white, has longish hair and is Canadian. “These are Nash-esque traits,” a Phoenix official said. “We like what we see.” As long as they put a clause in her rookie deal that she has to divorce Nickelback lead singer Chad Kroeger, this is a very high upside selection.

 

6. Pelicans – A new team name, any name at all. Seriously, anything.

The New Orleans front office is already second guessing certain elements of their new franchise name, the Pelicans, namely the “Pelicans” part. They’ll take whatever’s left on the board. They are high on “Ant-Eaters,” but fingers are crossed in hopes that “Speckled Llamas,” will be available.

 

7. Kings – Atomic Bomb, US Pentagon

The Sacramento Kings have heard enough about the City of Seattle and see only one solution that will finally rid them of the problem all together.

 

8. Pistons – A flash of light

The Pistons are experimenting this year to see if, in fact, a flash of light can escape from a mysterious black hole. In years past, all players that were selected, signed or acquired by the Pistons have seemingly disappeared, never to be heard from again. The organization must first understand the phenomenon before they can strategize on how to fix it and bring the Pistons to prominence once again.

 

9. Timberwolves – A world map, 7th grade Geography class

Ricky Rubio once said he was planning on a vacation to Puerto Rico and said on twitter he wanted to drive there. Since the team can’t afford to have one of its’ best players driving into the ocean never to return, they select a world map so that Rubio can read it and see not to do that.  One pick into the post David Kahn era and they’re already doing 100,000,000 times better.

 

10. Trail Blazers – Kevin Ware, G, Louisville

Kevin Ware’s grotesquely fractured leg injury was very attractive to the Blazers front office, in that it was just one injured leg. “We’ve learned from the whole Oden thing not to draft guys with two bad legs.”

 

Next page: picks 11-20

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