NHL Reveals New Set Of Awards


New York– In a startling move, the NHL has announced that, in addition to the current awards handed out at the end of the year, there will be a new set of trophies for this season and perhaps longer.

“We felt that the lockout was unfair to both fans and players alike,” Gary Bettman announced in a press conference before the start of Game 2. “To make up for the travesty, we at the NHL’s front office decided to release a new set of awards for this season, as a way of giving players extra rewards as well as provide fans with more to talk about.”

The new set of awards, which will be announced at an unconfirmed date, are likely to be single-time awards, but the league is maintaining that they could be used again if well received. We here at NOTSC have done some digging and found out what the awards are. Being the whistleblowers of the sports world, we thought it best to share them with you. Here are the awards, descriptions, and candidates.


The Ken McAuley Award

Awarded to the worst goalie of the season. Named after former NY Ranger goalie Ken McAuley, who posted one of the worst goalie lines in history with a 6-39-5 record with a 6.24 GAA, this award goes to the goalie who was the epitome of suck. Candidates: Ilya Bryzgalov, Marc-Andre Fleury, and Jose Theodore.


The Paul Bissonnette Award

Awarded to the player who almost never plays, yet is absolutely adored despite that. Named after Paul Bissonnette, whose rabid twitter followers made him a shoo-in for this award. Candidates: Paul Bissonnette, Paul Bissonnette, and Paul Bissonnette.


The Don Fehr Award

Awarded to the player who serves as a locker room leader, but is loathed by his teammates. Named after Don Fehr, the head of the NHLPA who served as one of the main culprits behind the recent lockout. Candidates: Jean-Sebastian Gigure, Rick Nash, and Sean Avery*.

*Sean Avery is the leader at the local roller rink, so he technically qualifies.*


The P.K. Subban Award

Awarded to the player who exhibits the most disgruntled personality. Named after P.K. Subban, who held out for a bigger contract after only being in the league for three years. Candidates: P.K. Subban, Jake Gardiner, and Taylor Hall*.

*Taylor Hall qualifies due to comments made during the lockout about not wanting to wake up early for skating*


The Tie Domi Award

Awarded to the player who best exemplifies the negative traits of a hockey player. Named after Tie Domi, who was loathed throughout the league for his antics. Award to be presented by Sean Avery. Candidates: Dustin Brown, every member of the Vancouver Canucks, and Raffi Torres.

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