[Insert Holiday Here] lists for all 32 NFL teams


Continuing our theme of being sort of politically correct, (originally started by @NOTSCNHL in his holiday article on what the 30 NHL teams want for the holidays: we can’t really tell you what holiday it is they’re celebrating. Odds are it starts with the first two letters of Kansas City’s running back’s last name, and ends with the middle two letters of what place the Vikings finished in this year (hint: it’s not a number.). But, like the Redskins, not everyone likes to do what everyone else is doing. Some people like to celebrate other things, like Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or “greeting card I just found at the gas station at the last second day.” Random made up holidays need love too, you know.

So, continuing our theme, here’s what each team wants for Chr…the Holidays, broken down by division:


AFC East (Insert Holiday Here) Lists

New England Patriots

-Someone to finally high five Tom Brady

-More wide receivers for Brady to yell at and blame when he screws up

-A running back that can actually hold on to the ball for 2 seconds

-A new body to put Rob Gronkowski’s head on


Miami Dolphins

-Offensive linemen that won’t fight like 6 year olds and tattle to mommy

-Seat fillers for the stands

-A restraining order against Chad Ochocinco so he’ll stop calling applying for a job

-The ability to combine all their running backs into one player


New York Jets

-People to stop mentioning the buttfumble every single time their name is mentioned

-New headbands for Mark Sanchez so he’s happy when they cut him

-“Football 101″ class for Geno Smith

-Wide receivers who can get more than 6 inches of separation


Buffalo Bills

-A lawyer to find a way out of their contract to play in Toronto

-Offensive linemen to keep their QB alive for more than 3 games

-25 year old Jim Kelly to magically appear out of nowhere

-Someone to teach them how to use CJ Spiller


AFC North, South, West, NFC:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>