A look at some of the 2013 NFL Defensive Rules


With Bears LB Jon Bostic getting fined $21,000 for a perfectly clean hit and Texans S D.J. Swearinger not getting fined at all for practically ripping off Dolphins TE Dustin Keller’s knee, the question is: what ARE the NFL rules for defense now? Let’s take a  glance at some of the defensive rules in the NFL rule book:


2013 NFL Rules Section 938 Tackling

A. Any attempt at pushing, pulling, hitting, or breathing on another player too hard is considered an illegal “tackle” attempt and is an automatic fine

-1. Fines can potentially be avoided by apologizing and agreeing to talk it out in a psychotherapy session with the player they viciously attacked

-2. Tackling statistics will be kept to keep track of the biggest violators of this rule so teams can prepare in their pregame meetings

-3. Tackling highlights will be shown and sold to raise awareness of these vicious criminals in the community, %0.0001 of the proceeds will go to the victims of these tackles


2013 NFL Rules Section 939 Tackling/Defensive Punishments

A. A tackle by a defender on an offensive player is considered at minimum felony assault and battery and violators may be fined or prosecuted to the full extent of the law

B. Any defender that says something like “hey get that guy” is considered to have placed a bounty on an opposing player and may face up to a 16 game suspension

C. If Bengals LB James Harrison or Texans S Ed Reed even look at offensive player, it’s an automatic fine for being too “intimidating”

D. Anything Titans S Bernard Pollard does is considered attempted murder, this includes merely speaking to an offensive player such as “how’s it going?” and “good luck!”


2013 NFL Rules Section 940 Proper Defensive Form

A. For a defender to properly stop an offensive player, he must nicely ask the player if he would mind stopping his progress

-1. If an offensive player says no, the defender has 5 seconds to say “please, it would really mean a lot to me.”

-2. If the above criteria is met and then the defender politely thanks the offensive player for stopping, the play is over. Otherwise the ball is live and the process re-starts

-3. If the defender shows any anger in his voice, it is considered a violation of the unsportsmanlike conduct rules and automatic 15 yard penalty

-4. If flags are instituted in 2015 as expected, this rule will be modified accordingly


And that’s just a glimpse at 3 sections, as you see there’s over 940 of them (no wonder no one understands them). Watch out for those serial “tacklers,” those guys are very dangerous people, and if you see any in your community, make sure to call the proper authorities and America’s Most Wanted right away.

One Comment

  1. Pingback: VINE: Ed Hochuli gets lost on the way to announcing a penalty - NOTSportsCenter

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