2013 Stanley Cup Playoff Predictions: Eastern Conference Semifinals

How about them quarterfinals, eh? We saw the Canucks get humiliated in four games by the Sharks, the Leafs inhale themselves (because choking is a drastic understatement), and the Islanders take Marc-Andre Fleury out of the playoffs with them. While our predictions were about as accurate as a Paul Bissonnette shot, we here at NOTSC don’t really care, and to prove it, we’re gonna try to predict the Semifinals, because why not? Granted, the odds of these being 100% accurate are about the same as the chances of you winning one of those #bucciovertimechallenge shirts, but people still flock to that game, so we will continue on. Enjoy.

Eastern Conference

1) Pittsburgh Penguins vs.  7) Ottawa Senators

If you are religious and need proof that there is a deity, this series is all the proof you’ll ever need. In case you’ve been watching the NBA all this time, these teams hate each other, courtesy of an errant skate and a misplaced Achilles tendon. Senators owner Eugene Melnyk, who thought that Matt Cooke intentionally tried to make Erik Karlsson an amputee, has already tried to hire the cast of both CSI and CSI: Miami in order to remove Cooke from the league, and this series will just make that storyline even more ridiculous. The UN has talked about passing a resolution that would prevent Melnyk from seeking their aid in the matter. That owner is a man on a mission.

The off-ice issues aside, this series seems like it will live up to the hype. The Penguins, even though the Islanders gave them a scare, are still loaded with talent, and Tomas Vokoun finally replaced the revolving door that was Marc-Andre Fleury. The Senators survived the Canadians’ attempts to humiliate Craig Anderson, though, and players like Kyle Turris and Cory Conacher provided key goals to propel them over Montreal. A factor to watch in this series is the potential return of Jason Spezza. Should he come back, this series will instantly become one of the better series of the four. Regardless, the Penguins are absolutely stacked, and the Senators will have their hands full.

Prediction: Penguins over Senators in 6

4) Boston Bruins vs. 6) New York Rangers

Ah, Boston. Overcoming  the seemingly insurmountable task of rallying from a three goal deficit, they forced. and won, a Game 7 overtime thriller, and they are rewarded by meeting the New York Rangers in the semifinals. Ouch. Henrik Lundqvist has revealed that his parents were expert masons, because their son is a wall. Alex Ovechkin couldn’t even begin to figure out how to get a puck by him, and now Boston must figure it out. I pity them.

This series will be over quickly. Lundqvist is eleventy billion times better in net than James Reimer, and the Bruins had instances where they couldn’t figure him out. Zdeno Chara, aside from a couple clutch assists, has done nothing for the Bruins, and the injuries are starting to appear at the worst possible time. For the Rangers, sources reveal to me that Coach Tortorella is threatening to “tear every last one of you mother-%^*)$%* a new one, and then I’m gonna shove my ^&**$@^ foot so far up it you can taste the leather on my soles!,” so the team is playing with a new-found urgency. Plus, they’ll be riding the high from knocking the Capitals out of the playoffs again. Not a sweep, but it should be.

Prediction: Rangers over Bruins in 5

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