New York Knicks change name to more fitting New York Bricks


When the Knicks played the Indiana Pacers it got ugly, and we aren’t talking about Chris “I swear I’m not Brittney Griner playing under a different name” Copeland. We’re talking about New York and their “shooting.” (It’s in quotes because it’s hard to really call it shooting, more like chucking.) Carmelo Anthony and JR Smith alone put up enough bricks to build a road across the world. So what do the Knicks do to help them? Ditch Steve Novak and Chris Copeland in favor of Andrea Bargnani and now, Metta World Peace. Yeah.

It’s Brick City baby, and the Knicks have decided to fully embrace it. So they are changing their team name from the New York Knicks to the New York Bricks. Now at least fans will be prepared when the team misses so many shots that they start shattering backboards and breaking rims. They will have a backboard and rim replacement specialist on call (he’s going to very busy obviously) so that when one falls apart from all the abuse, they can fix it and get back to bricklaying right away. But it doesn’t stop there.

They’re ditching the organ and organist in favor of piped in construction sounds. Instead of “Let’s go Knicks,” fans will chant “Chuck some Bricks! Chuck some Bricks!” They’ll even have an authentic New York construction worker as the public address announcer to say things like “HEY WE’RE WORKIN HERE” and make offensive leers and cat calls at the team’s cheerleaders. The cheerleaders will wear sexy bricklaying outfits and chuck souvenir bricks into the stands. Ambulance chasing lawyers will sell peanuts/recruit clients injured by the cheerleaders’ brick chucking in the stands. It’ll be the real New York construction experience on full display every night.

While the team over in Brooklyn attempts to win a title after raising the dead from Boston, the team in Manhattan will….well, do “something.” What that something is, no one really knows. Then again, it’s the Knicks Bricks. No one knows what they’ve been doing for years.

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