Greg Oden tears ACL signing contract with Heat


Greg Oden, who hasn’t played in the NBA since the 2009-2010 season due to devastating knee injuries, was hopeful to resurrect his career with the Miami Heat this season. Unfortunately, his campaign suffered a serious setback Friday after tearing his ACL while using an oversized pen to sign his name on the contract.

“The pen was just too large,” a team source said. “He never should have been asked to hold such a large pen, a ball point no less.”

Oden’s doctors helped explain the nature of the injury. “It’s clear to us that the pen put an intense strain on Greg’s radius bone, which dislocated his shoulder resulting in a bone tremor sent through his rib cage, fracturing his pubic bone, which ultimately put far too much leverage onto his ACL, dissolving it instantly.”

Mike Conley Sr, Oden’s agent, assured members of the media that Oden would make a full recovery. When asked if Oden would made available to media for questions, Conley Sr declined. “We don’t want him talking, mostly because any movement in his face could cause his other knee to pulverize into small morsels of bone dust. We’re planning to freeze him in carbonite and lock him away in a basement for the next few years until advances are made in science and medicine.”

Other players around the league reacted to the news. LeBron James was reportedly saddened by the developments, as he was hopeful to have someone on the team with with more weathered, aging facial features than himself.

Derrick Rose, according to a source, hasn’t touched a pen since the story break. “He’s mentally scarred by the events. He may never hold a pen, pencil, marker, highlighter or crayon ever again.”


  1. taypey


    this is just dumb.. Its upsetting that I wasted my time skimming over this poorly written crap.

  2. Bryant Leathers



  3. Pingback: Greg Oden to join the Heat? - NBA Forum & Message Board

  4. Pingback: What has happened since Derrick Rose last played? - NOTSportsCenter

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