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REPORT: Michigan requested games against online schools

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Hanging on and knocking off Akron and UConn by 7 total points in consecutive weeks is good for an up and coming FCS football program that has dreams of becoming the 1747th or so Division I football program. It’s uh…not so good for the winningest football program in NCAA history, the Michigan Wolverines (yes, that’s actually true. Google it.). So, they’ve taken immediate action regarding their 2014 schedule. Have they requested more FCS games? No. Think lower. Much, much, much, much, much lower.

According to a report, Michigan requested 2014 non-conference games against the University of Phoenix, DeVry University, and the Perkins School for the Blind. Two online schools and a school for people that literally do not know what a football looks like. Were they drunk while doing so? Possibly. But having seen the last two games, can you blame them for trying? They very well could have found yet another loophole in the NCAA rules. With Notre Dame dropping off their schedule for good, they’re going to need one.

Coach Brady Hoke on the report: “It’s clear to me that we can’t hang with the Akrons and UConns of the world yet. So we’re making some changes for the future. I can’t specify exactly what, but I can say that nobody said we were forced to schedule schools with actual football teams. But I have to run, I have 12 tacos calling my name. Beat Ohio.” With the way they’ve been playing lately, they’d be lucky to beat Ohio High School, much less any of the DI, DII, DIII, or even fraternity intramural college football programs in Ohio.

A well placed source with the DeVry program says they’ll likely turn the request down, saying it would be too easy of a game for them. That’s from a school that doesn’t even have a football team. Ouch. Phoenix is reportedly on the fence, and the Perkins School can’t even see that they missed a call from Michigan. So where does Michigan go from here? Perhaps not playing a QB wearing #98 would be a start, unless Devin Gardner stops paying tribute to Denard Robinson with lines like 11 for 23 for 97 yards and 2 INT like he did against UConn.

Heading into the Big Ten season it looks like “Hail to the Victors” is going to need a remix, and soon. “Hail to the Blue Guys that really tried hard” sounds pretty good.

2 Comments

  1. sideofbacon

    at

    1. except we didn’t play any FCS schools in non-conference play. you know, like that team in Ohio did…

    2. 4-0 is still 4-0

    3. buck the fuckeyes

    • Drake

      at

      You conveniently didn’t mention the only reason OSU played FAMU was because Vanderbilt backed out… But, don’t let the details get in the way of your delusions. #AppalachianState #Toledo #RealCoachesWearHeadsets #SuckstoSuck

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