Pacers suffer first loss of the season: to David Stern


The Indiana Pacers were surprised to read the headlines Saturday morning after defeating the Milwaukee Bucks 104-77 at home Friday night. The players, fans and coaches were saddened to see that their undefeated record was suddenly tarnished by a single “1” in the loss column. “We don’t know how it got there,” Coach Frank Vogel said. “But we’ll make the proper adjustments in practice to ensure it doesn’t happen again.”

David Stern’s comments have some speculating that he was the one responsible for defeating the Pacers. “We just don’t like their brand of basketball. No superstars. All that passing. Commitment to defense. It’s bad for the league.”

“The good news is,” Stern continued. “If the playoffs would start today, they wouldn’t qualify.” When a member of the media pointed out that the Pacers were currently the #1 seed in the East, Stern pulled out out a strange mechanical device with a large red button on it and pressed it several times, “Woops! Another loss for the Pacers! And another. And another.”

Websites everywhere updated in real time to reflect the Pacers current record, now standing at 9-5.

“And yes,” Stern continued, “I do approve of the trade they just sent to the league. Roy Hibbert has been traded to the Miami Heat for Joel Anthony and Roger Mason Jr. And, hell, while we’re at it, Paul George, pack your bags, you’re headed to the Utah Jazz for a couple 2nd round picks. No, wait, make that zero 2nd round picks. Trade accepted.”

Officials from the Pacers front office were unavailable for comment, and reported missing as of 9 AM this morning.

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