PED Hall of Fame


With the National Baseball Hall of Fame induction ceremony lacking in star power amongst its inductees, former BALCO founder Victor Conte is injecting some of the steroid era’s biggest names into Hall of Fame weekend by debuting a shrine in their honor. Located in San Francisco, the Baseball PED Hall of Fame will induct its first class on Sunday. Conte had hoped to have the new building ready for enshrinement last year, but had to quickly remodel after learning that they had not built any doorways that could accommodate Barry Bonds’ head.

Soon-to-be Hall of Famer Mark McGwire was giddy at the announcement: “I’m ecstatic about the opportunity to finally be honored for what I accomplished. I’ve been waiting so long that I’ve dropped down to my pre-Andro weight of 164 pounds.”

Sosa refused to comment, though reports state that he has no interest in playing McGwire’s sidekick again. In public comments, he still has high praise for McGwire, but many say they can see right through him. Of course, it is unclear if they are referring to how he truly feels about Big Mac or just that fact that he is now so pale that he is translucent.

Roger Clemens is expected to be presented by former trainer Brian McNamee, who supplemented The Rocket’s drive to dominate by driving syringes in his buttocks. Ironically, it may turn out to be the first time Clemens and McNamee have ever met face-to-face.

palmieroJust like in Cooperstown, many of the legends in attendance are expected to sign autographs and pose for pictures over the course of the weekend. For $20, fans can get an autograph from Rafael Palmiero. For $40, they can have a video uploaded to Vine of Palmiero wagging his finger at them.

A private dinner is planned following the ceremony for the honorees, their friends and families. The meal will feature genetically enhanced corn-fed beef and chef’s salad with a choice of cream or clear dressing.

Invitations to the event were sent to PED users throughout Major League Baseball. In fact, they expect to have Ryan Braun provide a keynote speech now that his schedule has opened up, though the Brewers slugger will neither admit nor deny that he has received an invitation.

Asked about whether this Hall of Fame might find a way to open its arms for yet another exiled baseball legend, Pete Rose, Conte responded, “Screw him. He ruined the game.”

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