Peyton Manning ties his 7 TD record under his fake name “Nick Foles”


After 9 weeks, the NFL had finally found something that could stop Peyton Manning: his bye week. With Denver not playing, surely he couldn’t throw any TD passes right? Especially against a tough bye week who had earlier smashed the Jaguars 42-3. Well, completely out of nowhere, a QB by the name of “Nick Foles” threw 7 TD passes against the Raiders. Does that number sound familiar? Yes, it’s the number of times Eli Manning was picked off by that same bye week, but that’s not the point.

Earlier this year Peyton (the one brother the Manning family still claims is a relative of theirs) threw 7 TD passes against the Ravens. Well, he’s now done it twice. Peyton was in uniform yesterday for the Eagles, playing under his fake name: Nick Foles. Makes a little more sense now doesn’t it? But why? “I was bored as hell honestly,” said Peyton. “Why do you think I threw the pick sixes against the Jags and Redskins? I was trying to make these easy ass games interesting. I need a challenge.”

But why the Eagles? “After I only had 3 TDs on MNF in Week 2, I wanted to stick it to the Raiders and I didn’t want to wait till the end of the year. And now I’ve tied my own record playing with a team that had 3 points the previous 2 weeks while playing on 2 sprained ankles. Hey Raiders: Just suck it, baby.” What was playing with the Eagles like? “Challenging, for sure. Especially the locker room, there are so many baby mommas in there wanting money from guys like LeSean McCoy that it’s hard to even hear yourself think. It’s like playing for a football team and the Jerry Springer show breaks out.” Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Aren’t the Eagles going to want Nick Foles to keep playing? Peyton assumed that and has that plan covered. “This guy I found in the parking lot is going to take over as “Nick Foles” for the rest of the year. It’s the same thing I did with my last fake name “Matt Flynn” when I threw for 6 TDs against the Lions in Week 17 a few years ago. When Foles gets paid by some idiots like Flynn did, I get even more money. I could use some more Papa John’s franchises, or maybe a Buick dealership. Or tapenade. Nothing goes together like football…and tapenade.”

So there you have it. When you see something crazy happening in the NFL, there’s a 99% chance it’s just Peyton Manning working on yet another endorsement deal.

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  1. Pingback: NFL Week 17 #boldpredictions - NOTSportsCenter

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