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Raiders trade 5 first round picks for rights to Jerry Ricecake
- Updated: February 4, 2014
The Super Bowl was a big day for the Seattle Seahawks. A very big day. In fact, they’ve actually just scored again since you’ve been reading this. While the onslaught of the Broncos continues, we’ll inform you of another big story from the Super Bowl: Jerry Ricecake. As you probably saw unless you were a Broncos fan drowning yourself in whiskey or tequila or everclear or gasoline or all of the above, the Texans announced they were drafting Jerry Ricecake number 1 overall during the game.
Here’s some highlights of Jerry Ricecake:
Looks great doesn’t he? You weren’t the only one that thought so. Right after seeing this, the Raiders called and offered 5 first round picks to the Texans for the rights to Ricecake, who reluctantly accepted. “He looks so fast,” said Raiders GM Reggie McKenzie. “I know Al would’ve been all over this guy, so I wanted to make sure we got him to the black hole. I have no idea why the Texans were laughing when we proposed this. They’ll never find a guy like this with all those picks.” This is true, they won’t.
Reggie continued: “We need a boost. It’s been far too long since this franchise made the playoffs. The last time we did, tackling wasn’t an automatic 15 yard penalty, fine, and possible jail sentence. Yeah, it’s been THAT long. So we made a Raiders-style bold move. You saw what Leon Sandcastle did for the Chiefs this past season, we hope next year Jerry Ricecake can do the same for us. Plus his name sounds so familiar, it’s almost like he’s played for the Raiders before. A match made in heaven.”
Was he the real reason for the Chiefs’ resurgence this year?
Texans GM Rick Smith on the trade: “Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahhahaahahaha.” He then took a deep breath and continued. “No, but seriously though, hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaahahahaa.” He actually laughed so hard he wet his pants and had to leave. Guess he’s a little excited.
Looks like with the trade for Jerry Ricecake, the Raiders may have finally built a dyansty. It’ll just play in Houston.
Just Win Baby.
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