Red Sox trade Green Monster, World Series trophy for Kevin Love


The Boston Red Sox went on an absolute tear on the day of the MLB trade deadline. Yes, in a good way. Amazingly. Jon Lester for Yoenis Cespedes. John Lackey for Joe Kelly and Allen Craig. Andrew Miller to Baltimore. The 12 year old kid that sat in row 4 all year to the Cubs for prospects and cash. They didn’t even have rights to the kid, but they traded him anyway (and got the Cubs to bite, to the surprise of no one). Sure it might lead to a lawsuit or a criminal charge or two, but hey: the fans wanted prospects and talent, and they were going to get prospects and talent, child labor and other laws be damned.


Dad: “It’ll be okay Billy. Playing for the Cubs isn’t that bad.” *nose grows*

It seemed like the only thing that could stop them was the trade deadline, but they even found a way around that. Shortly after the MLB trade deadline passed, the Red Sox pulled an absolute stunner, shipping off their beloved Green Monster, their 2013 World Series trophy, and a pair of red socks to the Minnesota Timberwolves for star forward Kevin Love. Yes, they finally found a deal they liked. Turns out the 98924783rd time was the charm. They weren’t sure about Andrew Wiggins or Klay Thompson, but when the Red Sox are dangling authentic red socks, the debate immediately ends. As they say, “nylon talks.”

“We love Kevin, but this was something we simply could not turn down,” said Timberwolves GM Milt Newton.”This was a chance to give the Minnesota Timberwolves a championship trophy. THE MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES. A CHAMPIONSHIP. It sounds ridiculous even saying it. Or at least it did. Not anymore though. We are the Minnesota Timberwolves, 2013 World Series champions baby! Sure it’s not even the league we play in and makes no sense and no one else will actually acknowledge it, but who cares? We’re CHAMPS now! CHAMPS BABY!!!”

They remain undecided on how to use the monster. They’re thinking putting it up in front of the seats so that Minnesota fans don’t have to suffer through watching them play.

Here’s an artist’s conception of the Monster with the Minnesota logos:

Might want to make that thing more blue. Or if they want it to truly fit in with the team, make it white.

Meanwhile in Boston, how do you explain acquiring Kevin Love for a baseball team? Red Sox GM Ben Cherington: “I only need three words: Suck it LeBron.” Enough said.

What will LeBron do now with Kevin Love out of the picture? Demand a trade? Put his contract in a shredder and say “oops, it slipped” and bolt back to Miami? Find out next, only on SportsCenter.

For more fun with the Red Sox be sure to check out our #NOTSCTop10 funniest images of Red Sox fans being their crazy drunken selves: 

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  1. Pingback: VIDEO: Dustin Pedroia Steals 2nd & 3rd On Same Pitch Vs Ortiz Shift - NOTSportsCenter

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