REPORT: Donald Sterling banned from renting “Django Unchained”

By NOTSCWill
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Updated: May 1, 2014

Unless you can’t afford TV, internet, radio, a phone, or even a newspaper like Warren Sapp, you’ve heard by now that NBA commissioner Adam Silver dropped a nuclear bomb on still current-but-soon-to-be-former-unless-lawyers-screw-things-up-as-usual owner of the Clippers, Donald Sterling. He’s been banned for life from the Clippers, the NBA, and anything that is round, orange, and/or has black stripes (he’s not really a fan of that color of stripes anyway, so he doesn’t mind).

Sterling’s banned for life from Pumpkins. Too close to a basketball.

Now you can add one more thing to that ever growing list of things he’s been banned from.

According to a report, Donald Sterling has been banned by Netflix and Redbox from renting the movie “Django Unchained” again. He can’t buy it, rent it, stream it, touch it, or even look at pictures of Quentin Tarantino, Leonardo DiCaprio or Jamie Foxx without the Redbox swat team immediately busting in and taking him down. “He’s seen the movie 273 times now. That’s enough,” said a Redbox spokesperson. Apparently he was a pretty big fan.

78 of these were on the walls in Sterling’s house

According to the report, he loved the movie but hated the ending. “He kept asking us if we knew anyone that would help him make a director’s cut where Candie kept Django from escaping and used him to start a basketball team that he whipped on an hourly basis,” said the spokesperson. “When he called up wondering if our boxes rented whips and chains, that’s when we knew we need to take action.”

But it isn’t just Netflix and Redbox either. “Hulu, bootleg internet stream sites that make you click through a 2 hour maze of ads to just try to start the movie, torrents, you name it. We’re teaming up to put a stop to this,” said that same Redbox spokesperson when reached for comment. We asked him about Blockbuster as well. “Block…buster? Is than an iPhone game? Never heard of it. But anything that sells, rents, streams, lets people steal movies is putting a stop to Sterling’s madness.”

Django’s ready for any of Sterling’s shenanigans

Once they’ve finished with this, they’re moving on to “12 years a slave” and “Roots.” The spokesperson explained: “Basically every single movie in his collection has something to do with slavery. He’s a sick man. We’ll get through them all eventually.”

Unless of course, the lawyers get involved again. Damn lawyers. They ruin everything.

(For more Adam Silver/Donald Sterling fun check our #NOTSCTop10 funniest Adam Silver/Donald Sterling memes: notsportscenter.com/SilverSterlingTop10)