REPORT: Knicks confused by shiny objects on Phil Jackson’s fingers


The Knicks have named Phil Jackson as their new President of “Please God make this team not suck so much again.” Confusion quickly set in for many of the Knicks employees, coaches and players included, as they speculated as to what those shiny, ring shaped objects were on Phil Jackson’s fingers.

“They was so weird,” Carmelo Anthony said, “them little thingamabobs he had. Style has changed, I guess. Never seen nothing like that before. He crazy.”


What are these things? Crazy looking.

The Knicks owner and billionaire Cablevision mogul, James Dolan, was not pleased when he first took notice of Phil Jackson’s jewelry. “We have a strict no jewelry policy,” Dolan reportedly said to Jackson. “We also don’t allow speaking, eye contact, urination or water consumption without approval ahead of time.”

The confusion continued for several uncomfortable moments until Walt Clyde Frazier cleared things up. “Phil Jackson’s thirteen rings are championship bling,” Frazier indicated. “You’ve never seen that finger fashion ’cause your talent’s lackin.”

According to a source close to Phil Jackson, his first move as President of Basketball Operations will be an attempt to trade the New York Knicks for the Chicago Bulls. “It’s his only hope.”

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