NOTSportsCenter

SOURCE: Jets coach Rex Ryan is legally blind

RexRyanBlind

On Thursday, Jets coach Rex Ryan named Mark Sanchez starter again against the Jaguars, leading many to wonder if he actually even watches the games at all, because when Mark Sanchez does things like this: http://notsportscenter.com/sanchezpick6/ you’d think “how on earth can he start that guy again?” But think back, how many times has Rex Ryan started him after horrible play after horrible play after horrible play after…you get the idea. How many times has he made insane “bold” predictions about his team?

Turns out there’s a logical reason for all of this. According to a source, he’s actually legally blind in both eyes. The team didn’t know about it until after they hired him, because he has a condition that makes his eyes appear normal, when really he can’t see at all. So when he’s making Super Bowl projections for the a future 6-10 team, it’s because he can’t actually see what his team looks like. Jets fans probably wish they had the same condition, they’d probably drink less (eh…probably not.). It actually took a long time for the team to piece together his true condition.

A Jets spokesman told our source, “We started to wonder when he wanted Tim Tebow on the team. Then he kept walking into random things and blaming it on being tired from his “diet.” Turns out he wasn’t even on a diet, they just hid his food from him. He started losing weight because he couldn’t find his food. Before last year’s Patriots game he walked around for days trying to find food. He never did, so he never game planned, and later that week the buttfumble was born. Maybe we should’ve just let the man eat.” So now you know how the buttfumble came to life.

The spokesman continued, “But even after that we still couldn’t figure out. Then he refused to ever bench Sanchez after 500 interceptions last year. After the season, we had his eyes tested, and sure enough, he’s blind. So while everyone was crying for us to fire him, we just couldn’t do it. Would you want to fire the handicapped guy who you’d been hiding food from for over a year? Exactly. There’s a special place in hell for people like that. So we sucked it up and kept him on staff. We’re hoping Sanchez tears something so he’ll finally play Geno Smith. Just don’t tell anyone or we’ll get sued.” Oh…oops. Pretend you didn’t read that.

So there you go, now you understand the Jets. They’re coached by a legally blind guy, and the team has been starving him without him knowing it. Sounds like they need to have a special with Oprah. She fixes everything.

One Comment

  1. Pingback: Jets name random guy playing catch in parking lot starting QB - NOTSportsCenter

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>