REPORT: 49ers name Matt Schaub offensive player of the week

NFL: Houston Texans at San Francisco 49ers

It’s been rough for Matt Schaub lately. People are hacking Texan announcer twitter accounts trying to trade him to the Browns, people are harassing him at his house (or making up stories about people harassing him at his house) and he can’t stop throwing Pick Sixes no matter what he does (considering he’s so good at picking six, he should really play the lottery). Well, not all is lost. In recognition of his performance this weekend, the San Francisco 49ers named him the team’s offensive player of the week.

“I’m speechless,” Schaub said after learning of the honor. “It’s nice to have someone who cares about your performance. Those idiots in Houston can’t appreciate what they’ve got, so I’m glad someone does. It’s nice to think that I’m more valuable to them than Colin Kaepernick without even playing for them. That takes true talent. Plus, they gave me a choice of what type of trophy I wanted, and I couldn’t decide, so I picked six of them. So I’ve actually got six award trophies now. ¬†Take that, KaeperPICK.” Of course he did.

Schaub was reportedly nominated for the Seahawks version of the award for his pick six that bailed out the Seahawks in that game, but the team was forced to give it to Richard Sherman, who has been awarded every award the team has given out all season to shut him up (it hasn’t worked.). Schaub will start again Sunday (apparently Gary Kubiak has a death wish? Who knows.), so he’s got a chance to help out a third NFC West team, the Rams. He’s got a real chance to be NFC West player of the year by the end of the season.

What will Schaub do next? Another pick 6? A fumble 6? A buttpick 6? Who knows. But with Tony Romo playing like the second coming of Dan Marino (except in the last 2 minutes of course) and Mark Sanchez done for the year and off to become a headband model (, we need a new MVC (Most Valuable Clown) at the QB position. Come on Matt, you’ve got potential to be an elite MVC. You’ve already let Texans fans down. Don’t let the rest of us down too.

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