REPORT: Mike Shanahan is coaching the Redskins in “YOLO mode”

Due to the 63 million reports on the subject (not an exaggeration), you’ve heard by now that Kirk Cousins will start at QB on Sunday and RGIII will spend the game on the bench trying to come up with a name for the Redskins that isn’t “offensive” (hint: there isn’t one.). But what you haven’t heard is what Mike Shanhan’s got planned beyond that. According to a report, Mike Shanahan is coaching the Redskins in “YOLO mode.”. If you don’t know what that stands for, thank God that you’ve never heard of Drake.

But Mike’s got big, big, big plans. “He’s not stopping with Cousins at QB,” one Redskins team official said. “Mike’s got all kinds of crazy $hit planned. You ready to see DeAngelo Hall at QB? What about London Fletcher at K? Kai Forbath at CB? Kirk Cousins at LB? Daniel Snyder’s wife at WR? It’s all going to happen. Mike knows he’s as good gone, so he’s going to screw with the team as much as he can on the way out. Think of a 12 year old in Madden online that’s already losing by 28. Except Shanahan’s got no plug to pull.”

Sounds like $hit is about to get real in Washington. And it did at Shanahan’s press conference. Here’s an excerpt from Mike’s press conference on Wednesday:

Shanny before unloading on the media

-Shanahan: “I’ll take some questions now. Try not to make them as stupid as you usually do.”

-Reporter #1: “Why are you benching RGIII?”

-Shanahan: “WHAT DID I JUST SAY? Hang on.” (Shanahan pulls down his pants and moons the reporter) “Kiss my bright red ass. Next.”

-Reporter #2: “Do you still want to coach this team next year?”

-Shanahan: “#%#! no. Would you? Look at this roster. And we don’t have a first round pick till next century. I’ll make sure to tell Snyder’s wife in bed tonight what a wonderful job Dan’s done building this roster. Next.”

-Reporter #3: “Shouldn’t RGIII be playing?”

-Shanahan: “Do you need a $#@%ing hearing aid? I already answered that stupid ass question once. Go $#%@ yourself. Next.”

-Reporter #1: “I didn’t hear your answer to my question, I was busy trying to kiss your ass. Why are you benching RGIII?”

(Shanahan runs over to the reporter, picks him up, and throws him through a window)

-Shanhan: “SHANAHAN SMASH! Anyone else wanna ask me that? I DARE you.”

(reporters all run out of the room screaming like World War Z just broke out in the room)

So when Mike’s starting Sav Rocca (his punter) at QB, going for it on 4th and 46 from his own 5, or having his QB run backwards 25 yards before flinging it up in the air, you probably don’t want to ask him why. He’s in YOLO mode for the rest of the year. And you don’t want to make Mike Shanahan angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

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