Soccer players are just failed ninjas

Sunderland goalkeeper Vito Mannone attempted to ninja flip while heading the ball away from Chelsea forward Demba Ba earlier today. The gif below of the attempt, further proves that soccer players are simply failed ninjas.

(GIF via @corkgaines)

Starting around 80 BC during the FootyWithSeveredHead Dynasty, a game was invented for all the teenagers who failed out of ninja school. Not many kids failed out of ninja school that weren’t subsequently off’d by their parents. The ones who did survive banded together to start a little game they, loosely translated, called “Game Where Kick Ball Into Goal But Always Beat Chelsea, No Exceptions.”

So, in the spirit of this ancient history it was Sunderland’s goalie who ruined everything by trying to show off his ninja skills mid-game. Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho said “I don’t understand why this goalie likes to fly in the air but I’m sure that our players can fly in the air much better and we will win the Fly-In-The-Air Championship this season.” No one really knows what he means by that.

When asked why he didn’t immediately give the goalkeeper a red card for his antics, referee Mike Dean said “There I was, minding my own business, just admiring John Terry’s girlfriends when, out of nowhere this goalie does that. I was like ‘Wow!’ and then I was like ‘OMG I hope the kids DVR’d this cause, like, I toat’s want to watch it tonight’ and then I was like ‘Where the hell is the referee on this?’ and then I realized that it was me so I just sat down in the middle of the pitch and cried.”

Needless to say everyone in America watching this game (upwards of 18) immediately chuckled. One fan, when asked, said “Heh, soccer players, they’re always diving like sissies. Not like them basketball players, they’re real men who never flop” and then walked back into Walmart with his half-full Busch light.

If you missed this play then you’re not alone, most of the world has better things to do than watch a Chelsea match. But, if you’re really into ninjas, and soccer, then you’re in luck. Because this is probably something you won’t see again until the next soccer game starts….sometime early tomorrow, or something.