SOURCES: Cavs fans are already burning Kyrie Irving jerseys

Image: Cleveland Cavaliers fans in Ohio wear shirts expressing their disappointment towards LeBron James, who was with the Cavaliers for seven years before leaving to play for the Miami Heat

Cleveland rocks! Well, maybe to Drew Carey. To anybody else…it’s a different story. Especially in sports. In sports it’s the equivalent of Alcatraz. Getting drafted to a Cleveland franchise is like doing hard time for Murder 1 when you weren’t even in the country the night the guy was murdered. It’s a living nightmare. You’d do anything for an appeal at a chance to live once again, including performing possible acts that are a little much for this website (let’s just call them “Chris Bosh’s wet dream”).

The latest big time victim doing hard time in Cleveland is Cavs G Kyrie Irving. Kyrie played very little at Duke and was promptly rewarded by being sentenced to a minimum of 3 seasons hard time with the Cavs. See kids? This is why you stay in school, or you too could be stuck playing professional sports in Cleveland. Scary. With Kyrie’s third year of hard time coming to a close, he’s reportedly looking, like everyone else before him, how to get out as fast as humanly possible.

Kyrie addressed these rumors directly:

With his fate seemingly determined, Cavs fans aren’t wasting any time. According to sources, they’ve already started burning his jerseys. “He’s such a traitor I hate him,” a Cavs fan told our source who wanted to remain anonymous due to having a warrant out for his arrest. “I burned all my Kyrie jerseys and broke into a sports store and burned all their Irving jerseys too.” But what about how Irving is only a restricted free agent this year? “I don’t care…(police sirens start blaring) oh shiiiiii I gotta go.”


This was Kyrie’s fate as soon as he was drafted

He wasn’t the only one. Long time Cleveland resident John Smith: “I don’t even like the Cavs but anyone who screws with Cleveland screws with me. I bought an Irving jersey just to burn it.” So he’s putting royalty money in his pocket as he leaves town. That’ll show em?

Cavs fans also took to twitter to express their displeasure:

Kyrie Irving: part time basketball player, part time stock broker? One of these days twitter’s going to learn how to spell “traitor.” Or words beyond a 2nd grade reading level in general. Eh, probably not.

But the Irving jersey burning phenomenon is spreading quickly. Home Depot has even started selling Irving jerseys to help homeowners start fires. “Nobody even wants firewood anymore,” said a Cleveland Home Depot night manager. “They just want Irving jerseys. Lots of them. Half of them think his name is “Karl” or “Ervin” and they don’t know what position he plays but they don’t care. He’s screwing with Cleveland and they aren’t happy about it. Whoever he is must pay. And I agree.”


Buy one and join in on the burning fun before it’s too late!

So if you happen to drive through or fly over Cleveland and see giant fires blazing in the woods, don’t worry about it. That’s just Cavs fans burning their Kyrie Irving jerseys. Or Anthony Bennett (if he ever gets good and realizes he needs out ASAP). Or whoever they draft next. And then 3 years after he’s gone, they’ll be begging him to come back. Sure it doesn’t make sense. But it’s a Cleveland thing, you just wouldn’t understand.

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